Falcons Take The Win

Newcastle Falcons 19 Harlequins 12

I managed to listen to the BBC Radio Newcastle commentary for this game for about half a minute before having to switch it off due to tension. If I am at a game, I will watch whatever happens, but if my team is losing and I have the ability to switch the radio or TV off, then yes, I will! As it turns out, from reading one or two posts on the Harlequins fansite Come All Within, Quins were not really at the races and, despite losing several players to the World Cup, Newcastle were in full control of the game. In light of that, we did well to get a bonus point.

Next Saturday, Harlequins entertain Bristol at the Stoop. After an excellent season last year (they reached the play offs despite being pre-season candidates for relegation) Bristol have had a bad opening to this season - playing two and losing two. However it goes between them and London Irish today, if Harlequins want to be serious candidates for the end of season play offs, they must beat Bristol. I expect them to do so.

The Inquisitive Cow on Famous Animals Past and Present

dúnadan: Hallo everyone. Welcome to sunny Dorset. I am sitting in a field with my friend Gerrie, the inquisitive cow. Today, we are not going to talk about things that have been making Gerrie inquisitive but Famous Animals Past and Present. Hallo Gerrie!
inq. cow: Good day, dúnadan!
dúnadan: Now, why are we changing things today?
inq. cow: Well, Augustine Squirrel has decided to set up a new university on his palafitta and invited me to teach a course. What better subject to make animals proud of being animals!
dúnadan: Gosh, maybe revolution is in the air.
inq. cow: If they let those nasty minks in, who knows what will happen. But Tecumesh Squirrel has been campaigning against them this week, so I think all will be well.
dúnadan: Very good. Let's get underway. You have written cards for me and this one says 'the most famous horse in the ancient world: Bucephalus.
inq. cow: Yes, he was Alexander the Great's horse. At first, Bucephalus was untamable. So, when he was offered to Alexander's father, King Philip II for sale, Philip turned him down. But Alexander realised that Bucephalus was untamable because he was afraid of his shadow. So, he turned him away from the sun and was able to tame him. Mooh! Very clever. And risky.
dúnadan: Given Alexander's constant warring, I bet Bucephelus did not last very long.
inq. cow: In actual fact, he died at about the age of 30 of old age! Bucephalus was buried near Jhelum in Pakistan.
dúnadan: Right. Next up is the Greyfriar's Bobby.
inq. cow: Not the, dúnadan; Greyfriar's Bobby was his name. Bobby was a terrier owned by a Victorian gentleman named John Gray. When Mr Gray died in 1858, Greyfriar's Bobby lay down by his grave and kept watch over it. He stayed there for fourteen years! Only death took him. Death!
dúnadan: Did he never leave the graveyard at all?
inq. cow: Only to get food. And he would do so at one o'clock every day.
dúnadan: What a sad story. I hope Adwaita the tortoise's is more happier.
inq. cow: 'More happier'? Goodness, dúnadan, we shall have to have an interview on grammar! As it happens, Adwaita's story is definitely more exciting. He was once owned by Robert Clive, the famous General of the East India Company. He lived between 1725 and 1774 so that tells you how old Adwaita was. In 1875, Adwaita was taken to what would prove to be his last home: Alipore Zoo. He lived there until her death last year.
dúnadan: So Adwaita was over two hundred years old!
inq. cow: He could have been up to 250 years old. If he was, that would make him one of the oldest animals of modern times.
dúnadan: Just imagine, Gerrie, if you live as long as Adwaita you will still be alive in 2250!
inq. cow: A good age for a cow would be 20 so I cannot see myself living for quite that long! Moo! Just think of the knowledge I would acquire if I did, though!
dúnadan: You would be clever indeed! Right, our next Famous Animal is a lioness called Kamuniak. I have never heard of her.
inq. cow: Shame. Kamuniak is a lioness who is justly famous for adopting several oryx calves.
dúnadan: What are they?
inq. cow: A species of antelope.
dúnadan: Goodness me! She didn't eat them!
inq. cow: Indeed, no. And when other lions tried to do so, she fought them off. Kamuniak could still be alive somewhere in Kenya but as she hasn't been sighted since 2003 we cannot say. I have asked my penfriend Rumi to look out for her, but as you can imagine, she is not wholly keen on doing so.

dúnadan: Rumi being a giraffe.

inq, cow: Yes.

dúnadan: Well, Gerrie, we have learnt about some very interesting animals here. I am sure we could go on all night. Let's finish it off.
inq. cow: Yes, I would like to finish with my mummy and daddy who are raising hay for charity by dancing cheek-to-cheek all the way from Dorchester to Weymouth - or Portland if they are feeling strong. I think they are splendid!
dúnadan: So do I. Gerrie, thank you for your time.
inq. cow: Moo!

Index of interview with the inquisitive cow
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Some Rugby Talk

England 36 Tonga 20

It is, of course, great to see one's team win a game in whatever sport it is, but I think what is even more satisfying than that is a game which one's team wins but where both teams come away with credit. So it was with England and Tonga last night. We won and we won well, but Tonga fought hard and bravely. I do not know much about international rugby politics, but I often hear it said that the International Ruby Board (IRB) does not do enough to help the smaller/poorer rugby nations develop their game. They really must. Tonga, for example, would be worth every penny put into it.

As for last night's game, England showed a little of what they are capable of with some excellent passing. They even managed to filch the ball for a great try. And was that Andy Farrell scoring a try? My goodness - our rugby cups overfloweth with joy! Next up, Australia in the quarter finals. No probs, mate - as an Australian would say.

Preview: Harlequins vs Newcastle Falcons

This is going to be a tough test tonight. I doubt we will come away with a bonus point win. On current form, Quins ought to win, but with away games you just never know. I am going to be brave and suggest a tight win for Harlequins.

Rome 5 - 10

I have now finished watching the second series of Rome. It is a flawed series, but still very well made. Let's do the criticisms first.

Sub plots

Rome Series II had several sub plots which added little or nothing to the story and should have been chopped. I am thinking specifically of Agrippa and Octavia's affair, Gaia's murder of Eirene and Timon's revolutionary 'awakening'.

Hasty Storyline

By their presence, the sub plots took time away from the main story, forcing it to be told in shorter scenes and without the development that it deserved. For example, Antony and Cleopatra only begin their affair at the end of episode eight. At the beginning of episode nine, several years have passed and we find our star crossed lovers drugged up and drunk. The same thing happens at the end of this episode. All through it, Mark Antony is agitating for war. Octavian gives it to him. End of episode. At the beginning of episode ten, the Battle of Actium has already finished. This brings me on to my next criticism-

Glossing Over Battles

Rome does this in both series I and II. In I, we see a Roman army close up at the start of the series and later on get arty close ups of the Battle of Pharsalus. In II, to Rome's credit, it does show the Battle of Philippi not only in (brief) close ups, but all its digital glory. But we miss out on the Battles of Mutina / Forum Gallorum, Alexandria and Actium. A shame. Given the extremely high production values of Rome, I suspect the reason is down to money. If so, that would be understandable.

Character Representation

Our Man of the Antonii calls Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa, the man who won Octavian his empire, the hobbit Agrippa and it is true that he does look uncannily like Sam Gamgee! Yet, we are asked to believe that he is a major military commander. I said above that Agrippa's affair with Octavia was unneccessary so I am going to be contradictory and say that she was not used enough. I feel the same goes for Atia, though she was a mainstay of the series. It is as if the story moved to a level which really didn't involve the women and so although they were given something to do, it didn't count as much as it should have done.

They are some of my criticisms. Let's have a quick look at the positive side to the series.

Actors

Brilliant performances all round. Especially by James Purefoy as Antony. Rome series II could have gone to pieces after Julius Caesar's murder as his character was the glue that held it all together. The series was definately more anarchic but not chaotic.

Production Values

I canot praise these enough. Rich, glossy, raw... Rome is worth watching just for these alone!

Titus Pullo (Ray Stevenson)

In the first series, his patner Lucius Vorenus (Kevin McKidd) is the senior of the two. He probably still is in the second series, but the development of the series makes Pullo a much more central character, indeed, the one with whom the viewer journeys through Rome. From bloody soldier to concerned friend and husband - not a bad transition in a world that is falling apart.

I could go on but I shall stop here. Suffice to say, I have enjoyed Rome immensely and shall miss it even more. I recommend it to everyone, though do be advised that the second series especially is very violent in parts, contains a lot of swearing and is not shy of sex. Just like real life ancient Rome, in fact.

Leading from the start

Harlequins 39 Leeds Carnegie 15

The new rugby season officially began last weekend with Quins' 'away' game at Twickenham stadium against London Irish. However, it was only with yesterday's game against newly promoted Leeds Carnegie that I felt that 'yes, the season has truly begun.' and that's because it was at the Stoop. Not much has changed there over the summer. Thankfully the rough Rugby League lot have not damaged the pitch (or seats!). Over the summer, the temporary south stand was pulled down... only to be replaced by another temporary stand. This one, however, is slightly smaller so that work can begin behind it on the permanent structure.

There were a couple of more obvious changes, one unique to yesterday and another more permanent. The former was the presence of cameras for Sky Television who were covering the match. There were cameras in the four corners of the ground, up in the stand and at the top of a very high crane. Thankfully, it was not a windy day!

The latter change was in the sundry adverts stuck around the stadium for new main sponsor Etihad Airways. I have read that the company also has an advert on the roof of one of the stands so that the passengers on the flights coming in to land at Heathrow can see it!

Very pleasingly, one thing that had not changed in the last week was Harlequins' performance. Picking up from where they left off last week, the Quins dominated the game with a strong defensive performance. The line out, a cause for concern last week, was very much improved. As the score suggests, the Quins attack was excellent again.

For the second game running, centre Jordan Turner-Hall put in a strong performance, but it was Chris Malone (the new scrum half) who won man-of-the-match award. Harlequins' wisdom in not renewing the contract of Andrew Merhrtens in being rapidly repaid.

Regarding Leeds, they will have expected this season to be a tough one, and will no doubt take heart from the fact that in their first season back in the Premier League last year, Harlequins took six or so games to register their first win. Their lack of penetration, however, ought to concern them and the sieve like nature of their defence. Failure to sort these things out could lead them to become the whipping boys of the top flight this year.

As for Harlequins, this second bonus point victory in a row meant that we are now sitting pretty on top of the Guinness Premiership on ten points - two ahead of Leicester Tigers! It won't last, of course, but Quins fans may be forgiven for stopping to breath the thin air deeply!

Yesterday morning, I predicted a 30+ victory for England over Samoa. It didn't quite happen, although the twenty point margin was closer than not. England played well (I watched the game at the Stoop before the main event[!]) but did not seem to me to deserve a thirty point win.

Words

I love words. One of my favourite words is 'götterdämmerung', which is German for 'twilight of the gods'. It is also the title of the last of the four operas in Richard Wagner's Ring cycle. What I like about it is its gentle hardness. Gentle because the word is not built like a brick wall - it begins with a 'g', has a 'd' in the middle and ends with the soft 'r'. But the placement of the letters allows you to speak the word in a very cold fashion. Try it. Every so often I think about 'götterdämmerung' and start to wonder what my favourite more gentle word is. 'Love' is a good start, although the presence of the 'v' gives it a bit of an edge. For this reason, I prefer its Old English ancestor: lufian, which Tolkien transformed into Lúthien: one of the characters from The Silmarillion. I suspect, however, that it won't be an English word that wins the award: like most people, I suspect, I think French and italian are beautiful languages. Italian, especially, which is very musical: much more so than Latin, from which it descends. I wonder how that happened?

Quins and Rugby World Cup

Last night, I met Our Man of the Antonii and friends of his in my favourite place in the world - Hamsptead, and at the pub that I have mentioned on this blog previously: The Olde White Bear. We were there to watch the Ireland vs France crunch match. Not having the privilage of being Irish or French, I did not mind who won this Winner Takes All game, but eventually thought that I ought to support France on the grounds of my brother-in-law being French! As it turned out, I made the right decision as France ran out easy winners: 25 - 3. What has happened to Ireland? They have been such a strong team for the last few years, but though they won their two previous games in the World Cup, they did so very unconvincingly (their last win against Georgia should have been a cricket score win but was in the end only by four points). I heard on the radio that there was talk of discontent in the Irish camp. It is strange that a successful team is so riven.

Today, I am off to the Stoop in Twickenham to see Harlequins play their first home game of the season against Leeds Carnegie. This should be a home win for Quins. Leeds are newly promoted from National Division One and got thumped by Gloucester last week. The game is being shown live on satallite television so let's hope we can put in a good show for them!

Going back to the world cup, I must mention England. Last week, I correctly predicted that they would be thumped by South Africa. Members of my family expressed a certain surprise that I got the result so right. Truth be told, while I thought England would lose, I said that they would be trounced without really thinking about what I was saying! Today, I am predicting that the shoe will be on the other foot. England to beat Samoa by thirty plus points.

The Inquisitive Cow on Carrying One's (New) Wife across the Threshold, Bananas and her Ipod

dúnadan: Hallo and welcome to Little Wimple, a village in central Dorset! By now, Gerrie Cow must surely needs no introduction so let's get straight into this week's interview. Hullo Gerrie!
inq. cow: Hello dúnadan!
dúnadan: Now, before we start, I must tell you about a letter I received this week from Shy Mouse in Weymouth who asked me if anyone ever calls you Geraldine. Do they?
inq. cow: Only mummy does! Mooh! Please can you ask Shy Mouse when she is going to come and visit - I have been inviting her for two years!
dúnadan: I will see what I can do. Right. Today, we are not in Farmer Bill's field but in Little Wimple itself, outside the house of the soon-to-be Mr and Mrs Farmer Will Junior! Farmer Will's son is at this very moment getting married to Mary. Why are we here, Gerrie, when we were invited to the wedding?
inq. cow: In actual fact, dúnadan, we are not missing a thing. Mary has not arrived on time to any occasion in all her life and I am confident that her wedding will be no exception. I have done some calculations and I have found that she is on average 45 minutes late. Plenty of time for us to talk. And, of course, for Farmer Will Jr to enjoy a last bottle of home made cider with his dad and the other farmers.
dúnadan: Ah. That'll be the noise I heard on the way down from Farmer Bill's.
inq. cow: Correct.
dúnadan: Fine. But why are we not on our way to the church yet?
inq. cow: Well, the impending wedding has, naturally, made me curious about wedding customs. Particuarly that of carrying one's wife across the threshold and into the new marital house.
dúnadan: Goodness. I didn't know you had to do that. Why is it done?
inq. cow: As you might expect, such an old tradition - and it is a very old one - has many different explanations. The Roman version, however, is very evocative. Have you heard of the Rape of the Sabine women?

dúnadan: Yes. this took place after the foundation of Rome. Romulus, their king, realised that Rome did not have any - or enough - women, so they took them from the Sabine race who lived nearby.
inq. cow: Properly speaking, they were the Sabine tribe, not race, but you are otherwise correct. Rape in this case means seizure. Well, according to the Roman tradition, the reason why one carried one's bride across the threshold - in imitation of the Rape. Moooh!
dúnadan: That is not a wholly romantic reason, Gerrie!
inq. cow: The Romans were not a wholly romantic people, dúnadan!
dúnadan: Oh well. (yawn). Golly, I am a bit tired. And I had such a good rest last night.
inq. cow: Are you short of energy, Malcolm?
dúnadan: Yes, I think I am.

inq. cow: Then take a banana from my wicker basket.

dúnadan: A banana?

inq. cow: Yes. You need an energy boost. One banana will provide enough for an hour or two.

dúnadan: How do you know that?

inq. cow: From my earliest days I have been mindful of my diet. Naturally, I have wanted to be as healthy as possible: In body for Farmer Bill and in mind for myself. I did some studying in Little Wimple and found that bananas were a popular fruit - Grocer Dickens told me that - so I bought one and analysed it. I found that a banana contains three natural sugars: Sucrose, Fructose and Glucose. These, combined with fibre, give the body the energy it requires.

dúnadan: How interesting!

inq. cow: And there is more. Bananas can help in the battle against depression as it contains a protein called tryptophan that helps you to relax! They also contain Vitamin B which help calm the nerves. Best of all - for me - is that bananas are rich in potassium which helps keep the brain alert!

dúnadan: Who would have thought that the humble banana could be so useful.

inq. cow: All it takes is a little inquisitiveness to find these things out!

dunadan: Right! (munching banana) Let's now change focus slightly - I can't help but notice that in your wicker basket, you also have some electronic gadgetry. What is going on?

inq. cow: I am recording some sounds for my ipod.

dúnadan: Your ipod?

inq. cow: Farmer Bill gave it to me. It was given to him by a relative as a birthday present but he has no care for electronics. As I do not own any CDs I thought I would record the sounds of Dorset. That is what my compilation will be called. So far, I have recorded the voices of all my friends for posterity - even Hannibal Rabbit is on it, even though he doesn't speak much - now I am going to record the wind and the rain, flowers and trees. Moo!

dúnadan: That's wonderful. I suppose you have some basic equipment for the job? man with Sennheiser mic

inq. cow: Mooh! Not at all. I am using the Sound Devices MixPre preamp and an MKH 30 Sennheiser mics. Very durable, top of the range models. They have a good range and are not susceptible to wind noise. It has been a little humid this week, and they can deal with that too.

dúnadan: I see. You have clearly taken your choices very seriously.

inq. cow: I spent many hours last week deciding what to buy!

dúnadan: Well then, time is what we are fast running out of - assuming your 45 minute rule is correct! Gerrie, it has, as ever, been a pleasure talking to you!

inq. cow: Thank you dúnadan! Oh look, there is the bridegroom's car coming past us!

dúnadan: I feel a Richard Curtis moment coming upon me! Let's run!

index of interveiws with the inquisitive cow
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A Winning Start

London Irish 27 Harlequins 35

To Twickenham today with the Talented Mr Canning to see the Mighty Quins play their first game of the 2007/8 season. As can be seen above, the game concluded very satisfactorily! What made the game even better was that Harlequins didn't only win but won well. The Exiles were always playing catch up and never seriously looked like they were going to win.

Harlequins played well in both defence and attack. Two points of weakness will have to be addressed though - the wing and the line out. In regards the former, either we were weak or this is a particular area of strength or Irish's. In regards the latter, Quins were pretty bad. I don't know how many line outs went to London Irish but it seemed that every other throw in went to the opposition.
Harlequins didn't sign any really big names over the summer, but invested in several less well known but no less solid players instead. Among them was the Bath scrum half Chris Malone, who replaced kiwi Andrew Merhtens. He won the man-of-the-match award, indicating a good debut for his new club. Two players who impressed me was Phil Davis, who was fearless in his tackling and Academy star Jordan Turner-Hall, who scored a great try under the posts.

After last night's debacle in France, today's game was the perfect tonic. During the game, I received a text message from our Man of the Antonii remarking cruelly but fairly that at least English clubs can score tries. I replied that while this is true, I think the referee still needed to call his mate in Johannesburg after the first points were scored to find out what he was supposed to do.

Blackfen Photos

Further to yesterday's post about the Tridentine Mass at Blackfen, Mr Vernon Quaintance took photographs of the event and posted them at the Traditional Catholic website. The Blackfen pictures can be found here.

Rugby Talk

Rugby World Cup

Last week, I visited Hampstead and drank a pint of a beer which I had never heard of before, but in the circumstances (England's Football, Rugby and Cricket teams were all about to play) I had now choice but to imbibe - it was called England Expects!

Tonight, England expects again as the Rugby team take on South Africa in the RWC. As mentioned below, my expectation is that we will get thumped. Let's hope not, though. Present figuratively if not literally will be the Fellah, at whose house warming party I will be watching the game and Our Man of the Antonii (formerly of the Army). If England get whipped in the first half, the Fellah's the stiff drinks cabinet will look very tempting!

Further to the comments box here, and according to Brian Ashton here, Mike Catt will be playing at 10 and Farrell 12 (So, Philip, you were right). Oh boy. It isn't so much that Catt and Farrell are bad but Farrell has failed to convince in an England shirt since his switch from rugby league and Catt is not a 10 specialist. And he is 35 years old.

The Premiership.

Go Quins Go! Tomorrow, the Talented Mr Canning and I will be at Twickenham for the season opening London Double Header: Harlequins vs London Irish and Wasps vs Saracens. If you have Sky TV, look for us in the west stand going mad for the mighty quins!

Tridentine Mass at Blackfen

A day off work and to the wilds of south London today to visit the church of Our Lady of the Rosary - the parish church of blogger Fr Tim Finigan - for a very special Mass in the Tridentine Rite. As a result of Pope Benedict's recent motu proprio Summorum Pontificum, from today, priests no longer need to ask their bishops for their permission, before celebrating the old rite Mass.

Present at the Mass was John Boyle of the South Ashford Priest blog who admitted to me afterwards that he had never read Cally's Kitchen. It does take some courage to admit such things as I bet we bloggers derive such joy from knowing - or, more likely, hoping that - that we have lots of readers of our blogs. Perhaps Fr Boyle was just being difficult; since he is even taller than me, however, I shall not make anything more of the suggestion. Fr Nicholas of the Roman Miscellany and Fr Richard Whinder of every Catholic blog except his own (because he doesn't have one) were also there, acting as Deacon and Sub Deacon respectively. I was also blessed to meet a Catholic blog commentator - Londeniensis - who must forgive me if I have misspelt his name, but he will use fancy foreign words. At the Mass but darting back off to school afterwards was the Mulier Fortis. Fortunately, she is a teacher, not a student, so will not need to give herself lines afterwards for bunking! Oh yes, and before I forget, there was some American priest blogger there as well, but I won't give his blog's name, as nobody reads it anyway. He delivered a very good homily, the text of which I hope appears on t'internet soon.

The Mass was a joy and a privilage to attend. It was celebrated very prayerfully. About the way in which it was celebrated, Frs Nicholas and Richard wore Roman chasubles with slits at the top to create what looked like armsleeves. I also noticed that after singing the reading, Fr Nicholas touched the gospel with the little finger side of his right hand. He told me afterwards that this was to show Fr Tim where the gospel was. I have to admit, I thought that that was what he had just sung. Anyway, Fr Zuhlsdorf preached the homily. As well as being the day that Summorum Pontificum takes effect, it is also the feast of the exhaltation of the holy cross so he tied the two together, describing how the Tridentine Mass focuses on the cross. Seeing the priests and servers all kneeling in the sanctuary, facing the great cross on the back wall, it is hard to disagree.

After the Mass, the congregation withdrew to the parish hall for a buffet lunch and a glass (or two) of red wine. Fr Tim proposed a toast to papa Benedict, which was taken up with gusto. Mention was also made of the late Michael Davis (sp?) who was a long time and long suffering advocate of the Tridentine Mass. I only know his name from one or two articles I have read but from the way Fr Tim spoke, it sounds like he was well loved. During the buffet, Fr Zuhlsdorf produced what appeared to be a little permission-to-celebrate-the-tridentine-rite note which now, deo gratias, is but a relic.

Great, great thanks must go to Fr Tim for (a) celebrating the Mass (b) inviting everyone (c) for the buffet (for which especial thanks must also go to the Blackfen UCM). I must also thank the Buckinghamshire priest with whom I travelled back to London and had such a good chat with.

Rome eps. 1 - 4

It'll surprise no one to hear that I have been watching the new series of Rome, which was released on dvd at the beginning of the week. Four episodes in and I can report that it is more of the same (violence, sex, bad language) as the first series though with a few differences.

First of all, though the violence has not been as graphic as before, it has been more brutal. For example, in episode four there are two torture scenes. Likewise with the sexual content. Not as graphic as previously, but grosser - as the two sodomy / rape scenes have shown. The bad language has been gloriously bad. Indeed, if I had not read extracts from a poet called Catullus in Waterstones a few weeks ago, I would never have imagined the Romans being as rude as they are in this programme. For the hardy among you, the edition I was reading was translated by Peter Green and published by the University of California Press. You can find it at Amazon here.

The differences with the first series occur, I think, in the intensity of this one. There was a fun-ness to the first series which is no longer present. The death of Caesar and Vorenus' wife Niobe put paid to that. Speaking of which, Kevin McKidd portrays a maddened Vorenus with a very unsettling ease. Mark Purefoy as Mark Antony is also excellent. Antony is an excellent character. He is a sex mad brute. Fortunately, he is also very charismatic, which allows the audience to support him against the Optimates (Brutus et al). Unortunately, if you put that charisma to one side, you are forced to admit that dull as he might be, at least Brutus killed Caesar for noble reasons, whereas Antony is only ever acting out of self interest. It'll be interesting to see what - if anything - his relationship with Cleopatra draws out of his character.

One character who does change, if only physicially is Octavian. Played as the thought filled teenager through the first series and the start of the second by Max Pirkis, the young adult Octavian has now reappeared played by Simon Wood. Having seen Wood in trailers for the new series a while ago, I had reservations: he seemed very wooden. But I was won over by just his first appearance. His 'woodenness' was a slightly stiff formality wholly appropriate to someone whose life is with his thoughts - as opposed to his body, as with Antony.

One thing that has made me laugh though is the way in which public shoolboys and sloane rangers seem to be taking over Rome! Octavia has a friend who sounds like she has just stepped of the Kings Road, into Mr Benn's shop and back in time to Rome.

Following the end of his consulship in 44 BC, Antony forced the Senate give him proconsular command of Cisalpine Gaul (modern northern Italy). But the present governer, Decimus Brutus, refused to give way. Antony made way on him, but was defeated by a joint consular army (led by the consuls for 43 BC, Hirtius and Pansa and Octavian's newly raised legions. The consular army and Octavian's won. In Rome the series, there is a scene between Octavian, Agrippa and another soldier, who, if Octavia's friend came from the Kings Road, sounds like he has just stepped out of Eton. The portrayal of Agrippa - the man who won Octavian's wars - is interested. A military genius but a Hugh Grant style bumbler when it comes to women. Maybe it is historically accurate, but it doesn't feel quite right.

So, as matters stand, Antony is at large with a ragtag army somewhere in the mountains of Transalpine Gaul and Octavian is about to return to Rome in victory. With the second triumvirate still to come and, of course, Cleopatra, there is more to look forward to.

The World Cup So Far

So, the first round of games in the rugby world cup are over and with two exceptions they have not told us anything that we did not already know.

Namely:

* New Zealand are in frighteningly good form

* Australia may have been a bit rubbish in the last four years but when the chips are down they can put in the performance

* England have been a bit rubbish for the last four years and remain so

* South Africa are in excellent shape

* The smaller nations (Samoa, America & Namibia) have a lot to give the rugby world but aren't quite there yet.

The two exceptions:

* Argentina are now a force to be reckoned with. You could argue that France lost on Friday rather than Argentina winning but you do not beat the world cup hosts in rugby without having something to your game

* It isn't only New Zealand who can choke: France did and Ireland almost followed

What'll happen next?

* South Africa to trounce England on Friday

* France to recover comfortably to beat Ireland

In respect of England, of course, I very much hope I am wrong, but in the last quarter of the game on Saturday (i.e. the bit that I watched) they looked so laboured.

In terms of predicting the winner, one cannot go beyond the All Blacks. However, if Australia or S Africa continue to improve, I wouldn't bet against another NZ choke in the knock out stage. So, NZ vs S Africa in the final with the latter to win.

Harlequins RFC Fixtures 2007/8 Season

Harlequins RFC's 2007/08 Season Results

17/8/07 Harlequins vs Manu Samoa (Friendly) 22-21
25/8/07 Northampton Saints vs Harlequins (Friendly) 29-22
1/9/07 Harlequins vs Bristol Rugby (Friendly) 22 - 27 my report
7/9/07 Harlequins vs Connacht (Friendly) 31 - 8
15/9/07 London Irish vs Harlequins (Premiership) 27 - 35 my report
22/9/07 Harlequins vs Leeds Carnegie (Premiership) 39 - 15 my report
29/9/07 Newcastle Falcons vs Harlequins (Premiership) 19 - 12 my report
6/10/07 Harlequins vs Bristol Rugby (Premiership) 24 - 18 my report
13/10/07 Bath Rugby vs Harlequins (Premiership) 25 - 10 my report
20/10/07 Harlequins vs London Wasps (Premiership) 26 - 25 my report
28/10/07 London Irish vs Harlequins (Anglo Welsh Cup) 8 - 10 my report
3/11/07 Harlequins vs Worcester Warriors (Anglo Welsh Cup) 22 - 23 my report
10/11/07 Stade Francais vs Harlequins (Heineken Cup) 37 - 17 my report
17/11/07 Cardiff Blues vs Harlequins (Heineken Cup) 13 - 13 my report
24/11/07 Gloucester vs Harlequins (Premiership) 27 - 25 my report
1/12/07 Harlequins vs Ospreys (Anglo Welsh Cup) 8 - 19 my report
8/12/07 Harlequins vs Bristol Rugby (Heineken Cup) 3 - 17 my report
16/12/07 Bristol Rugby vs Harlequins (Heineken Cup) 7 - 20 my report
22/12/07 Harlequins vs Saracens (Premiership) 20 - 27 my report
29/12/07 Worcester Warriors vs Harlequins (Premiership) 7 - 10 my report
6/1/08 Harlequins vs Leicester Tigers (Premiership) 13 - 42 my report
11/1/08 Cardiff Blues vs Harlequins (Heineken Cup) 23 - 12 my report
20/1/08 Harlequins vs Stade Francais (Heineken Cup) 10 31 my report
25/1/08 Sale Sharks vs Harlequins (Premiership) 20 - 13 my report
16/2/08 Harlequins vs Worcester Warriors (Premiership) 36 - 15 my report
24/2/08 Saracens vs Harlequins (Premiership) 6 - 15 my report
1/3/08 Harlequins vs Gloucester (Premiership) 30 - 15 my report
9/3/08 London Wasps vs Harlequins (Premiership) 29 - 25 my report
16/3/08 Harlequins vs Bath Rugby (Premiership) 22 - 16 my report
23/3/08 Bristol Rugby vs Harlequins (Premiership) 15 - 28 my report
29/3/08 Harlequins vs Newcastle Falcons (Premiership) 15 - 9 my report
13/4/08 Leeds Carnegie vs Harlequins (Premiership) 6 - 32 my report
19/4/08 London Irish vs Harlequins (Premiership) 13 - 6 my report
4/5/08 Harlequins vs Sale Sharks (Premiership) 16 - 23 my report
10/5/08 Leicester Tigers vs Harlequins (Premiership) 31 - 28 my report

The Inquisitive Cow on Mr Darcy's Fortune, Curricles and the Waltz

dúnadan: Hello world, and welcome to a very busy field somewhere in central Dorset! Why is it so busy, today? I shall leave it to my bonnet wearing friend, Gerrie, the inquisitive cow, to tell you!
inq. cow: Hello everyone. Today, we are celebrating the end of summer with a regency festival. We have lots of stalls selling authentic regency foods and clothes and this evening, the Wood Theatre Group will be acting Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice!
dúnadan: Which is why you are wearing that pretty bonnet and shawl and I am in breeches and stick on sideburns! Oooh. I always wanted to be Mr Darcy!
inq. cow: And I confess to being quite happy to have the opportunity to play Elizabeth Bennet! Moo!
dúnadan: Amongst the other players, Augustine Squirrel will play the part of Mr Bennet, Tecumseh Squirrel is going to play Wickham and Bertie Pig will be Charles Bingley. It should be good fun! I understand, Gerrie, that we have you to thank for all this.
inq. cow: Well, I am by nature curious about all historic periods, but my interest in the regency was piqued recently by my latest reading of Pride and Prejudice.
dúnadan: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Gerrie Cow in possession of a little knowledge must be in want of some more.
inq. cow: Mooh!
dúnadan: Pride and Prejudice is one of my favourite books too, and a question that I have often wondered after reading it - or just in general - is how much Mr Darcy would be worth today? In the book he has a fortune of £10,000 a year. It would be somewhat higher now.
inq. cow: Yes. I remember the day when this question first occured to me. I had to clear the Adventurous Rodents out of the sandpit so that I could use it to carry out my calculations! I think that that is why they took up HALO jumping - 'so that that interfering Gerrie Cow couldn't bother them up there'! Anyway, I began by writing to the Bank of Dorset to ask for some figures relating to the early 1800s. They advised me that one pound back then would be worth £45 now. If you times that figure by 10,000 then you find that Mr Darcy would be worth £450,000 a year now.
dúnadan: £450,000? I have to admit that isn't as much as I thought it would be.
inq. cow: Ah, maybe not, but do remember that the cost of living was much lower than. You could eat more cheaply, buy a house more cheaply, travel more cheaply... your money, in short, would go much further!
dúnadan: I see! Hullo, here is Mrs Farmer Bill. She will be playing Mrs Bennet tonight.
mrs farmer bill: Hallo you two! I cannot say that I am happy about that. Mrs Bennet is a very frivolous figure. Have you seen my husband anywhere? We have a group of soldiers from the ----shire regiment eager to taste his period cider!
inq. cow: We haven't seen him... but is that Bertie Pig on Darcy's curricle over there?
dúnadan: So it is! Oh dear, he is gaining speed. And Learning Owlet isn't going to be able to open the gate in time...
inq. cow: Don't damage it, Bertie! It took us a long time to build that!
bertie pig: Weeeee heeee!!!! > crash!!! <

dúnadan: Oh dear. Badly done, Bertie!

inq. cow: Sigh. Curricles caused lots of accidents in their own day so nothing much has changed! It is such a delightful vehicle, though. So simple. One axle. One horse - or two, if you pleased. A nice cantering pace. Just like a modern day sports car.

dúnadan: Now, a common feature of regency life - in fact of most historical periods, really - is dancing. One dance which came into fashion during the regency was the waltz. You have been helping the animals and villagers of Little Wimple recreate authentic regency waltzes.

inq. cow: Yes. Jenny Wren has friends in Vienna who advised me on this. Did you know, however, that the waltz was regarded as a scandalous dance when it was first introduced?

dúnadan: Why would that be?

inq. cow: Well, look over there, where Farmer Dill, Will and Publican Will and their wives have started an impromptu waltz. Look at their positions.

dúnadan: They are dancing together, so what?

inq. cow: That is the point! Their bodies are touching each other! That was not at all the done thing in the regency period. When we have some country dancing, quadrilles or cotillions, later on you will see how a definate gap is maintained between the sexes. Ah, they are dancing now in 2/4 time: the saltuese waltz. My favourite.

dúnadan: How times move on!

inq. cow: Indeed. Notice how slow the waltz is. They wanted to speed it up but I had to tell them that no, back in the regency period, it was a much slower dance.

dúnadan: I agree, well Gerrie, I think we have talked long enough now. Let's go and enjoy some of the stalls. Horace the Impressionist Painting Horse is here doing sketches. Let's see if he will do a portrait of us!

inq. cow: Yes, let's!

dúnadan: (fade into distance) Now, let me practise my Darcy-esque smoulder! Don't laugh...!

Index of interviews with the inquisitive cow

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The information on Mr Darcy's fortune comes from the super Republic of Pemberley website (See the FAQs section)

In the Footsteps of Alexander the Great - Michael Woods

Arathorn and I have just finished watching the historian Michael Wood's documentary on Alexander the Great. Filmed in the late 90s, Woods tells Alexander's story by following in his footsteps. Literally - starting in Macedonia before crossing into Turkey and passing through Iran and Afghanistan before concluding in India. Not because Alexander was defeated in battle, of course, but because his army was too tired to continue after eight years of campaigning and appealed to him to let them return home.

When this documentary was filmed, Saddam Hussain was still in firm control of Iraq. Unable, therefore, to enter the country, Wood had to remain in Kurdistan - just a few tantalising miles from the Granicus river, where Alexander fought one of his first battles against the Persian empire. He was, however, able to enter Afghanistan, where the communists were still in power, although the Taliban were now closing on Kabul.

Woods referred to Alexander's pothos - his overwhelming desire for that which is unattainable. For example, in India, there was a tribe who tried to hide from him in an impregnable fortress on the top of mountain that was impassable for an army. Alexander could have let them be, but he had to defeat them. All the more so since, according to the myths, Hercules had not been able to break the fortress during his ten tasks.

Woods said that this utter determination makes modern scholars regard Alexander as an evil character not unlike some modern dictators. But Alexander was not evil. Not by the standards of his own time - the only ones by which he can be fairly judged. I think he was quite heroic, actually. And when I have organised my thoughts on the matter, I shall explain why. In the meantime, I have started reading Arrian's account of his campaigns and look forward to journeying through the Persian empire all over again!

2 Days in Paris

Yesterday I took the afternoon of work and went to the cinema to see 2 Days in Paris. "Painfully funny" one reviewer called it. Well, it was certainly funny in parts, but not that funny. In fact, some of it really was quite serious. Imagine if Richard Curtis had decided half way through Notting Hill that he wanted to make a social statement - that's what 2 Days was like.

The story follows Marion (Julie Delpy) and Jack (Adam Goldberg) as they return from a holiday in Italy to visit Marion's parents in Paris before heading back to New York, where they live. All kinds of shenanigans follow: arguments, allergies, (gay) terrorists, parties, fights, adultery - kind of etc etc. All very stressful. And it almost destroys Marion and Jack's relationship, but thankfully, they do get back together at the end. At least, I think they do - the final scene could have have been another flashback.

No one really came out of this film with much credit. Marion and Jack seem too centred on themselves and not enough on each other, Marion's parents are oafs, while her friends - well, they are alright in their way, but some are definitely odd.

Still, despite being silly and irritating, Marion and Jack are lovable in their way, and it is this that stopped the film from being a disaster. The same goes to her parents (played by Delpy's real life mother and father). With that said, I am not sure I could whole heartedly recommend this film. It portrays relationships in a very doomy fashion! A better film - and a more gentle one - would be Lost in Translation, which I watched again the other day. I can't believe that when I first watched it I was at first not sure whether it was really any good or not. Now, it is one of my firm favourites.

Back to credit. One person who must be given it is Julie Delpy. She wrote, acted, directed and produced the picture. Quite an achievement.

The Inquisitive Cow on Krav Maga, No Quarter and Branston Pickle. Mmmm.

dúnadan: It's Saturday morning... and my back is as stiff as a board. Yawn! Still, it was a wonderfully balmy night, so I feel quite refreshed... let's see how Gerrie is... sound of the dúnadan crawling out of his tent... Good morning Gerrie!
inq. cow: Hullo dúnadan! I have been up since dawn munching grass and learning the art of Krav Maga from Tecumseh Squirrel and Little Boots!
dúnadan: Ah... as we speak the brothers are fighting! Hello chaps!
tecumseh squirrel: Don't interrupt!
little boots: Grrrrrr!
dúnadan: Gerrie, what is Krav Maga?
inq. cow: Well, it turns out to be an form of hand-to-hand martial art developed by experts in Israel. It is rather violent but very exciting to watch!
dúnadan: ooh, Tecumseh just kicked Little Boots in the---
inq. cow: Oh yes, that is one of the principles of Krav Maga: you can fight dirty. The aim of Krav Maga is to end the fight as quickly as possible by any means possible.
dúnadan: What does the name mean?
inq. cow: It is Hebrew for 'close combat". Very appropriate. As you can see, in Krav Maga you move from a defensive stand to aggressive in as short a time as possible, using the body's reflexes and any object close at hand- as Tecumseh has just shown with that twig! I think he is also utilising the Eskrima martial art. That specialises in the use of sharp objects.
dúnadan: Oh dear. It looks horrible. But Little Boots is getting up!
inq. cow: He is slightly mad!
dúnadan: Gosh. They are very balletic. I suppose no quarter is given in this fight.
inq. cow: Indeed not.
dúnadan: Which makes me think - where does that phrase come from? Do you know?
inq. cow: Hmm. I do not know where the phrase orginates, but one cannot be a friend to the little red baron for very long without learning about these things. As you know, to give 'no quarter' is to refuse to grant mercy to the enemy. Literally, it means to refuse to house them: as prisoners.
dúnadan: Ah, to give them no quarters!
inq. cow: Yes! Under current law - Article 23 of the 1907 Hague Convention to be precise - to refuse to give quarter is now illegal.
dúnadan: Speaking of which, you and Farmer Bill were up into the early hours last night playing cards with you trying desperately to lose so that you could give him back his farm. How did it go?!
inq. cow: With difficulty, I am afraid. Farmer Bill was rather distracted by his cider. Then Farmer Will and Farmer Dill came and they can't play cards at all! Finally, the Learned Owl flew by, but he was so chuffed at having caught a large fieldmouse that he let his ego get the better of him. The long and the short of it is that I won the fields as well!
dúnadan: Oh dear. Here is some bread, do we have any pickle? Ah, here we go. I love Branston Pickle!
inq. cow: You and Herbert Goose both.
dúnadan: Really? I like its spicy taste.
inq. cow: So does he! You two are very alike! A few months ago, I did a little research project with Herbert to find out what Branston Pickle was made of. Herbert said he would go to the company's factory in Suffolk to ask them. Naturally he ended up in Ireland with the recipe for Guinness beer! Well, Farmer Bill didn't mind.
dúnadan: What did you find out?
inq. cow: Branston Pickle consists of a number of diced vegetable. Very tasty. For example, swede, cauliflower, gherkin. The sauce also comprises of a number of ingredients, including garlic, cinnamon and pepper.
dúnadan: When was it first produced?
inq. cow: Moo! Long before I was born: in 1922.
dúnadan: I wonder if the Conservative Party committee ate it at their first meeting!
inq. cow: Did you know that the 1922 Committee was formed in 1923? Its name comes from the general election the previous year. Augustine Squirrel told me that. He is friends with our local MP!
dúnadan: I see! You know, Gerrie, there is a way out of your predicament with Farmer Bill. I can't help but notice that he and Farmers Will and Dill were too drunk to make it back to Farmer Bill's tent - all of five feet away - last night. The three of them are sleeping on top of each other beside your paraffin stove.
inq. cow: Cows are not noted for their sense of smell, but I can smell them from here.
dúnadan: Look, Farmer Bill is still holding his last hand. Let's creep closer and see what he had... creeping sounds by a man and a cow follow...
inq. cow: (whispering) Ones and twos... he would have lost everything - again!
dúnadan: (whispering) Why don't we change them for an X. Then you can tell him it was a Winner Takes All game and give him back his farm!
inq. cow: (whispering) Dúnadan! That is a splendid idea, but that wasn't how it was!
dúnadan: (whispering) You will know from your study of ethics that in certain circumstances, lying can be considered the lesser of two evils thus reducing the culpability of the liar.
inq. cow: (whispering) This is true, but the examples that the Learned Owl gave were rather more radical than this... oh well, I have a farm that I don't want. Farmer Bill has been exiled from his house by Mrs Farmer Bill until he wins it back... I think I will follow your suggestion.
dúnadan: (whispering) Super! I shall take the pack and find the full house cards... then slip them into Farmer Bill's hand and take the other ones... there!
inq. cow: Now I can concentrate on milk and being inquisitive again! The thought of having to run the farm was distracting me. Thank you dúnadan!
dúnadan: No problem. Well, it looks like we have done our interview already. After we have woken Farmer Bill up, do you fancy a walk?
inq. cow: Certainly! But no martial arts of any kind and let's not play any card games!
dúnadan: That won't be a problem!

index of interviews with the inquisitive cow
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A rugby friendly - surely an oxymoron

Harlequins 22 Bristol 27 September will be a busy month. It sees the start of the new rugby season, the rugby world cup and the release of Series 2 of Rome. Phew. To kick things off, 5MinJim, the Talent Mr Canning and I went to the Stoop yesterday to see Harlequins play Bristol in their second friendly of the pre-season. Bristol were the better team and so deserved their win.

Being a friendly, of course, we can indulge our optimism and say that the result didn't really matter. One thing that does matter is the shirt. In a previous post, I outlined why I think the shirt matters and railed against England's new one. The Harlequin 2007-9 home shirt retains the traditional quarters, but the black streak that hitherto has split the front and back of the shirt underneath the arm has now split in two itself. Consequently, the quarters on the front of the shirt look very much squeezed. It is not an edifying sight and whereas I had been looking forward to purchasing a replica now I am now so sure.

Friendly games always run the risk of being played at a leisurely pace and being quite boring, but there was no shortage of ambition and commitment in this game. It even lead to a Quins player being momentarily knocked out.

Around the ground were a few familiar faces from last year's Harlequins supporters coach. Something that was missing, however, was the temporary south stand. Harlequins have now received planning permission from the local council to erect a permanent structure. The old scoreboard that sat on top of that stand was never good, but it was still a little sad to see it lying disconsolately in the corner.

After the game, we retired to the Cabbage Patch pub just up the road (named after the cabbage patch that Twickenham stadium was built on!) for a drink and to watch a little of Manchester United against Sunderland. It was good to see Roy Keane and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer get such good receptions, but I have to admit, come the football, I didn't feel half so much excitement as I did even for a rugby friendly! Roll on the new season.