Consigned to Room 101

Cally got tagged by Mars Hill. Unfortunately, as the daughter of the Sun King she is far too busy to take part in memes and so I will be completing it instead. There is also the issue that she is a fictional character. Back to the meme. Paul asks what would we place in our Room 101? (i.e. what are our pet hates). Well, in no particular order, here are mine:

I Comprehensive schools. Bad for the brain and probably bad for the soul
II Intinction. Disrespectful
III Pro-Choice beliefs. Death to the culture of death
IV Cyclists who jump red lights. What part of 'stop' do they not understand?
V Anti family political ideology. Attacking the heart of society. Man's ignorance knows no bounds
VI Contemporary classical music. Too hard to get into
VII Too many Hollywood screen plays. There's the effect, where's the story?

If you have enjoyed this meme, consider yourself tagged!

On J. R. R. Tolkien & Birmingham

Tolkien is the master but I have still only provided three links to other websites dedicated to him. Hmm. While I try and work out why this is so, I commend to you a couple of more websites. The first is a blog, written by a doctor and father-to-be, Matthew Doyle. His blog is called Lacrimarum Valle (The Vale of Tears). On Thursday and Friday 26th/27th October, L.V. posts on JRRT and S. Africa and a visit to Moseley Bog, a favourite playground of Tolkien's in his childhood.

Happy & Sad

It has been an interesting weekend.

It began in prologue on Friday morning when I received an e-mail from a friend in which she announced her engagement. S. is a splendid person and the lucky man is lucky indeed to have her for a wife to be. S & I have a shared love for Catholicism and, more importantly, Jane Austen. We once watched the whole of the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice in one afternoon. Can't wait for the wedding!

In the afternoon, I left work early to attend the funeral of the brother of a priest friend. J. M. was young - in his forties - but had had a difficult life which led to his untimely death. I say untimely but God calls His own at the moment of His choosing. J. M.: Requiescat in pace.

Browsing the Catholic blogosphere this evening, I came to the invitingly titled Cornell Society for a Good Time. And on that site, I found some joyful news: that a friend has been ordained a priest! I say a friend, but if you read my post from St. Dominic's Feast Day, you'll see that we have fallen out of contact. I think this news would be a good reason to get in touch with him again.

French Kissed Goodbye

The camera does not lie! Harlequins won and won good today, giving French side Montpellier a real drubbing at the Stoop. It was like being back in National Division One again, with Montpellier bearing an uncanny resemblance to Exeter Chiefs at their worst (The Harlequins beat Exeter by some 70 points a year ago, although, before one gets too carried away by today's score, one must remember that Exeter became the only team in ND1 to beat the Quins all season in the away fixture). To that end, I don't know if it was simply an off day for Montpellier. They can't be an inherently bad side. After all, although they are currently midtable in the French first division, they only got into the European Challenge Cup either by winning a tournament (Harlequins gained entry by winning the Powergen National Cup) or by finishing well in the French league last season. Of course, it could be that Montpellier are simply bad travellers. French teams have a reputation for being so. Whatever the reason for their bad performance, it made for an exceedingly good game for the Quins which, even when playing badly, they dominated.

Quins players during a break in play

The best performances of the day came from full back Mike Brown who scored a hat trick of tries and Adrian Jarvis who put every kick between the posts. Credit also to Charley Bear, one of the mascots, who was seen performing cartwheels in front of the East Stand opposite my seat. Oh yes, and Mad Max, the excellent PA guy, looked very interesting in his Quins shirt, faux halloween horns and dyed red chin beard!
On the Montpellier side, there were no good players really, but one could not help but notice that their lock, Anthony Vigna, was of a very traditional rugby build - all fat. The skin hugging shirt did not compliment him. With that said, I would not want to annoy him in the pub.

Next week, Harlequins play Northampton Saints in the Premiership. With two wins out of two in the European Challenge Cup, the men from the Stoop have all the confidence they need to get that vital first league win. There was a period in today's game when the players had extreme butterfingers. I hope they can sort that out in training this week. If they do, I will be reporting a third win this time next week.

On on the Quins!

The Inquisitive Cow receives a visit, on winds and William T. Sherman

dúnadan: Hello and welcome to a... Gerrie, can you move a little closer so the microphone picks you up clearly?

inq. cow.: Hello, dúnadan, forgive me, but I was watching the rather interesting man walking towards us behind you.
dúnadan: What? Oh...
gentleman: Excuse me. Are you Geraldine Cow, also known as 'the inquisitive cow'?
inq. cow.: Yes, I am.
gentleman: Then I have a letter for you. From General Hayden.
inq. cow.: Splendid! I knew he would reply promptly.
gentleman: The General answers all his correspondence promptly, ma'am... eh... why is that man hiding behind you?
inq. cow.: He is a yokel. I think the sight of your sharp suit and sunglasses is scaring him.
gentleman: Hmm. Whatever. Well, have a nice day Miss Cow.
inq. cow.: And you too, sir.
dúnadan:... Have they gone yet?
inq. cow.: Yes, they have. There was really no need to hide, dúnadan, you know I wrote to General Hayden last week.
dúnadan: I wasn't expecting him to send CIA agents to hand over his reply! What does he say about Bertie?
inq. cow.: Let's see... (sound of letter being opened) Right... "Dear Miss. Cow, thank you for your e-mail. I can confirm that according to our satallite monitors, Mr. Pig left his trireme on top of Cross Fell on 22nd October and led his crew of rats and mice by paw to the Farm of Farmer Wordsworth where they tied a caravan to a tractor, stealing the engine from Farmer Wordsworth's Ferrari for extra oomph down the motorway. They proceeded towards London as Mr. Pig (from our lip reader's analysis) appeared to wish to speak to the Prime Minister about successful exit strategies. Unfortunately, they only got as far as the Watford Gap when the crew revolted. Or it may have been that Mr. Pig found them revolting. In any case, they are now heading towards Dorset. Expect them any day. Yours sincerely, Gen. M. V. Hayden. PS: Please send my regards to Jenny Wren. Her work is much appreciated. PPS: Please ask the Learned Owl to stop sending us advice. We have analysists for all that kind of work."
dúnadan: Well! Bertie is coming home. Hurray!

inq. cow.: Typical that Jenny Wren is a friend of his!

dúnadan: Alright, now that we know what is going on with Bertie, let's begin the interview. What has been making you inquisitive this week?
inq. cow.: To answer that, we must stay in America as I have been catching up with the actions of the United States Senate, with particular reference to the Agriculture, Nutrition and Forestry committee.
dúnadan: Why has that been interesting you?
inq. cow.: I think it is very important to pay attention to what is happening in agricultural circles around the world. Especially America. After all, one day, it may well have an impact upon what happens here in Dorset.
dúnadan: Alright. So, what have you learnt?
inq. cow.: Well, thanks to the expert testimony of Mr. Mike Berger of Austin, Texas, I have learnt that in 1992 90% of wind erosion across the Southern High Plains occured west of the Mississippi river and that across the USA, 60% of wind erosion occured across the Great Plains. This is an example of Aeolian winds in action.
dúnadan: Aeolian?
inq. cow.: Aeolus was the Greek god of wind. You know, different types of winds have different names. For example, the gentle westerly breeze that we can feel right now is called Zephyros. Then there is the Abroholos which is a minor squall that affects the coast of Brazil. The haboob is a stronger wind that causes sandstorms in the Sudan.
dúnadan: Haboob! I like that word.
inq. cow.: Grow up, dúnadan! It comes from the Arabic word habb, which itself means'wind'. Since you like Greek, we could talk of the Etesian wind, which blows over the Aegian Sea during the summer. It is a cool and refreshing wind - like the Dorsetonian.
dúnadan: You made that one up!
inq. cow.: Maybe. Maybe not!
dúnadan: So, that's winds. Closer to home, as his father brings to a close the reconstruction of the city of Petra at the base of the great oak in the middle of the Wood, Augustine Squirrel's son Tecumseh is causing trouble again.
inq. cow.: Indeed. As everyone knows, Tecumseh Squirrel is named after William T. Shermon, the American civil war general. Ever since Tecumseh realised this he has tried to live up to his name. When he was young, this meant play battles with his friends. Now, it means actual wars. Tecumseh has declared war on the squirrels in Farmer Phil's wood and started pursuing a scorched nut policy.
dúnadan: Oh dear. He has been hunting the squirrels winter nuts and burning them?
inq. cow.: Yes.
dúnadan: What did William T. Sherman do during the American civil war?
inq. cow.: Well, he was convinced that if the Union was going to win the civil war once and for all then the South had to be not just defeated but broken. To that end, he had his men destroy the infrastructure of the South as his army made its way southwards. In Georgia and the Carolinas his men broke up the railroad, even bending the rails round trees - 'Sherman's neckties' they were called. South Carolina was worst hit by this policy as the Union army regarded it as being at the heart of the South's rebellion.
dúnadan: I hope that there will be no tree burnings here.
inq. cow.: I think Tecumseh Squirrel is being indulged by the owls. When they start to get annoyed, they will put an end to his war. And to him as well if he is not careful.

dúnadan: Right, well, we have had an American bias in today's interview and before, perhaps we might look at an American newspaper, but not this week. Instead, let's go to France and the regional daily Le Dauphiné Libéré. First off is news of the closure of what appears to be a factory owned by the chemical group Azko Nobel. I say 'appears to be' because I can't speak French and BabelFish translator has a mind of its own when it comes to translating.
inq. cow.: I note from the article that employees had expected the factory's closure for some time. That will be small comfort to them when they wake up tomorrow. Unemployment is a hard concept for a cow to grasp. I will never be unemployed. Unless I stop producing milk, that is and then, hopefully, Farmer Bill will make me his pet.
dúnadan: Our second story is from the sports section. Italian Champion cyclist Paolo Bettini has come to Grenoble to race and give an interview to Le Dauphiné Libéré. He is asked what his first impression of the track was.
inq. cow.: Oh dear, he had some trouble to begin - and didn't even know where he was! However, he clearly loves his sport, because he says that he drew strength from the passion of the public.
dúnadan: Gerrie, can you speak French as well as Chinese?
inq. cow.: There are many forms of Chinese which I can't speak, dúnadan.
dúnadan: That is modest of you to say so! Our final story actually takes us from France to the Ivory coast where a clean up operation is underway following the dumping of toxic waste at various sites around the capital Abidjan.
inq. cow.: Moo! Nothing annoys an animal more than the waste humans leave behind! Whether it is sweet wrappers, cans or plastics. As for this, I am vey curious to know what the dumpers thought they were doing in the first place!
dúnadan: I doubt that they were looking beyond their pay packets.
inq. cow.: The Cynic Diogenes was wont to cry "deface the currency!" because he regarded money as artificial and having no value to the natural man. On this point I am inclined to agree with him. Accepting money to dump poisonous waste renders it and one's moral self valueless.
dúnadan: Well, that is a deep thought to end with. Gerrie, thank you kindly for your time. What are your plans for the week ahead? Any more building projects? Perhaps tweaking the mass spectometer?

inq. cow.: Indeed, no, I am going to graze for a little then watch at the gate for Bertie's return! Tonight, I imagine we may have a party.
dúnadan: Well, give him my regards! For now, this is the dúnadan saying thank you for your company and goodbye from a field somewhere in Dorset!

Mike Berger's testimony to the ANF Senate Committee
Aelian processes
Le Dauphiné Libéré

Read more inquisitive cow interviews here

Vicarious but fun

Back in July I wrote about how I gave the best man's speech at my friend Iain's wedding two years ago. At the time, Iain was in the process of moving down to London to start his new job - as technology reporter for the BBC. His principle work is done for Newsbeat on Radio One, but to ensure that they get their money's worth out of him, the Beeb has him on the World Service and Radio Five as well.

Up until now, however, I had never heard Iain live on air. That duck ended when, this evening, as I was making my tea, R5's Drive programme had a report on a new computer game about bullying. The game is generating controversy because one gets to play the role of a vigilante bullying victim. Anyway, who should Peter Allen (Drive's co-presenter) turn to but 'our technology reporter, Iain Mackenzie." It was great fun. Iain and I have known each other since we met in our English tutorial in the second week of university in 1993 (I forgot to attend the first tutorial) and have had some great times together. And I know how passionate Iain is about all things technological so it is a great thrill to hear him reporting on the subject.

Iain has his own pro-file on the BBC website. Take a look at his lovely mug and read about his worst on air experience here.

Be careful what you wish for...

A day off work today and so up to Westminster Cathedral for Mass. A few weeks ago, Joee Blogs published a series of photographs of a protest by some Muslims against the Pope after his Regensburg address. Eager to prove that Islam is not a religion of violence (or at least, the form of Islam to which they adhere) the protesters waved about posters with some very choice statements on them. For more, click here. Flash forward to today, just a few feet away from where those protesters stood, another, slightly more intimate drama unfolded.

It was as I was walking towards the Cathedral down Ashley Place (a short road leading onto the plaza) that I spotted a man leaning on a heating vent. I then looked down to switch my mobile phone off ahead of going into the Cathedral. When I looked up, the man was on the ground. A woman who had been close by him immediately went to his aid. I walked up and asked her if she would like me to call for an ambulance (question to self: what would I have done if she had said no?). I did so, and she continued to try and get the man to speak - we were both worried that he had bashed his head on the pavement as he fell. At first, the man was only able to slur a few words - not as a result of his fall, I think, but from the drink he had been recently consuming: he smelled of alcohol. As the minutes passed, he became clearer and became most animated when the lady told him that an ambulance was on its way. He was not happy with this at all. Thankfully, however, he did not become violent. I doubt he had the strength to be.

To back track for a moment, I dialled (or pressed) 999 and got through to the emergency services. Regretfully, I had a 'moment' when they asked me for my phone number. Since I never ring myself, I have never bothered to remember it. One thing I noted afterwards was that I was not asked for my name. I once had to call 999 for another drunk who had fallen over and I was asked for it then, so that's why I thought of it now.

Anyway, as we waited for the ambulance to arrive, the lady did all the speaking with the drunk and learnt from him that his name was Ronnie. She did a brilliant job in persuading him to sit down until the medics could arrive to check him out. There were one or two moments when Ronnie seemed set to try and rise to his feet. She remained calm, patient and understanding and firm. I do not know what I would have done in her situation.

The ambulance took 10 or 12 minutes to arrive. While we waited for it, I could not help but reflect upon the fact that for the last couple of weeks, I have been watching the dvd of the first series of 90s cop series Due South. Due South is about the adventures of a mountie who ends up in Chicago. He is a fish out of water, but always remains one step ahead of his enemies through his crime fighting capabilities (considerable) and wisdom (deep). As I have been watching this series, I have often thought that although an on-line test recently compared me to Mr. Darcy, on the whole, I would much rather be like Benton Frazer, the mountie. If you have seen Due South, you will know that helping the less fortunate is one of Constable Frazer's main purposes in life. The selfish and scared part of me would rather not have to do that kind of him, however, God decided different. Praise be to Him. It also occured to me that helping Ronnie was my Frazer moment. Well, kind of. There was no action involved and I did no more than make a call. I think Frazer would have definately have handled the matter much better.

Just before 12:30pm, the ambulance arrived. It parked on the other side of the road and a very pretty blonde medic jumped out. She took one look at our patient and said, "Hello Ronnie! How are you today!" I looked at her curiously. She just called him Ronnie. I never told her his name. I didn't even know what it was when I made the call. Did the switchboard man overhear the woman talking to him? No, of course not, it turned out that Ronnie is one of the medics' regular patients. Well, I am both happy and sad at that. Happy because their aquaintance will no doubt help him to be treated even better. Sad because it shows that Ronnie has form for falling and hurting himself. During our wait for the ambulance he kept saying that if only we would give him a bottle of sherry, he would be alright. I fear that today will repeat itself again. May God go with him.

Berrydict's non meeting with the Dalai Llama

On Friday 13th October, thanks to the wickedness of the Commeleons of China, Berrydict had a one hour gap in his official schedule. So as not to annoy the petty Peking lizards, Berrydict absolutely did not use this time to have an audiance with the Dalai Llama who was visiting Rome. And when they did not meet, Berrydict did not ensure that no photographers were present to record the occasion. All for the sake of the Catolic Church in China which the communists has persecuted for the fifty years of their bloody reign.
"I'm sorry it has to be this way, you deserve better." Berrydict did not say, during the meeting that did not happen.
"If I did I would not keep getting reborn!" the Dalai Llama would have joked, had he and the papal cat met (which they didn't). Berrydict laughed - but that was because he was reading a joke in the newspaper, not because of the Dalai Llama's joke, which was never made because--- well, you know why.

During the audiance, which never took place, Monsignor Catswein waited outside Berrydict's study. While there, he heard Berry speak, to himself, obviously.
"Do you think you will ever reach a rapproachment with Beijing?"
"I do not know," came the reply; Monisgnor Catswein glanced at the Swiss Guardscat; they smiled. "Berrydict is practising ventriloquism." the monisgnor said, "for the papal house Christmas party."
"Of course." replied the Guardscat, knowingly.
"I do not know..." the Dalai Llama never said, "things do not look hopeful. However, how likely was the second Vatican Council before Pope John the Twenty Furd was elected? How likely was a polish pope?"
"Indeed." Berrydict said to himself. "And they are not chameleons in China for nothing. We see it economically. We could see it in regards religion as well."
"I think we already have, else the Patriotic Church would not have been allowed to exist." Berrydict agreed. Not that they were together, but he liked the Dalai Llama. He never spat and always had a most pleasant smile. Of course, they disagreed on many doctrinal issues but neither of them let that get in the way of being friends. But something was bothering him.
"What is going to happen when you die?" he asked the Dalai Llama, presently, "When I die, the catinals will - free from all foreign influence - elect my successor. Your monks will not have that luxury. The commeleons 'appointed' the latest Panchen Llama. They may attempt to elect your successor."
"Indeed, but he will not be accepted. I will not be reborn in Chinese territory. Maybe I will not be reborn at all, that would be the best thing!" The joy of this thought made the Dalai Llama kick out playfully. Or would have, had he and Berrydict met. Berry noticed that a little bit of the Dalai Llama's yellow fur was matted. In the spirit of frienship, he tugged at it and pulled it out.
"Your compassion is much appreciated." the Dalai Llama (never) said.
"We need to cheer each other up," Berrydict replied, "Let us have pray a while." Of course, he and the Dalai Llama could not pray together, mainly because they were the leaders of different religions (or rather, their traditions), but also because they were not actually together. In regards the prayer, Berry withdrew to his chapel to pur the Rosary while the Dalai Llama didn't to another study where he never sat on the floor and meditated and, it must be admitted, preened himself. But only a little. It would never do to leave fur behind for a worried diplomat to find and worry over. Oh well, the Dalai Llama thought to himself, wryly, at least it forces me to become less of myself and more of the earth. He looked up at a painting of Adam and Eve on the wall. Truly, from dust we came...

Index of Berrydict stories

Who is Berry(dict)?

The Chair Speaks on the quality of Men

The Chair calls this meeting to order

"The Chair would like it recorded in the minutes that he subscribes to the saying that goes something like 'you can tell the quality of a man by the way he treats his enemies'. In the last few days, the blogosphere has thrown up examples of political men with the best and worst quality.

Let's start with the worst first so that we can get it out of the way. On Friday, Recess Monkey reported on a gentleman who was ejected from Portcullis House (where many MPs have their offices) for wearing a T-Shirt that bore the legend: I Still Hate Thatcher. Why does the Chair disapprove of this T-Shirt? Is he a Tory? His politics are not relevent. Let it be noted that he equally disapproves of those who refer to Mr. Blair as Bliar. The reason why the Chair does not approve of this T-Shirt is for the obvious reason that it is insulting towards Lady Thatcher and therefore offensive. Of course, her opponents would argue that what she did to [insert victim's name here] was also offensive so she deserves equal treatment. With, as politicians are wont to say, this argument is rubbish. Two wrongs do not make a right. As far as the Chair is concerned, if I feel hard done by, by an opponent, I do not descend to the level of that opponent in order to get back at them. No, I 'get back at them' through adhering to my higher values and proving that they mean something to me by keeping to them in my work. In a political context, this means that I do not waste time scoring cheap points of the other party, but that I work as hard as I can to make my party's policies a success. The T-Shirt wearing gentleman may think he has done a funny thing, but he hasn't. He has let himself and his party down.

"On a happier note, Conservative party A-lister Iain Dale doffed his cap yesterday to Mr Nicholas Starling, a Norfolk Liberal Democratic councillor who has written a post in which he apologises to Mr. Dale for, well, hating him. The blog post in question is a humble one and a vindication of the Chair's constant belief that though their reputation is bad, politicians by and large are a good people who really do want to do good for their country. Of course there will be some bad apples, but on the whole, MPs have a very difficult job and are worthy of our patience and doubt unless it can be proven that they have indeed broken applicable laws. And if they do, they become worthy of our pity and mercy. There is no excuse for hatred. As Mr. Dale says, hating your opponent wastes energy. Mr. Starling's post is here and Chair heartily commends it to you.

"So that you might enjoy these links for longer, I hereby adjourn this meeting. Until next time, remember, democracy is good, but the Chair has the casting vote!"

Rodin and Leonardo

Yesterday, L. and I went to the Royal Academy in Piccadilly to see the Rodin exhibition. If you have any spare time, do go and see it. You will not be disappointed. Rodin's two most famous works (or, the two works with which I am most familiar) are there: The Kiss and The Thinker. Amongst other notable works, there was The Gates of Hell (in the courtyard of the RA) and The Burghers of Calais. The exhibition is beautifully laid out in several rooms and features busts, paintings and even photographs of the master.

After leaving the Royal Academy, we made our way to the Victoria and Albert Museum to take in the Leonardo exhibition. This exhibition was as bad as the RA's was good. The quality of the work on show was not in doubt, it was Leonardo after all, but the lay out was atrocious. The exhibition was in a large hall. Leonardo da Vinci's writings (the exhibition was based on his sketches and notes for various devices) lined the two walls. This meant that in order to view them, you had to join the slowly shuffling procession up one side of the hall and down the other. In other words, your pace was dictated by the slowest man and you had to peer over shoulders to get a better look. Ridiculous. The V&A must have known that an exhibition on Leonardo da Vinci would sell out. If so, why did they decide to use an utterly use unfriendly horsehoe design for the exhibits? Like the Rodin exhibition, Leonardo cost £10. It was a waste of money. If you go to the V & A, just buy the catalogue and leave. You will only be disappointed otherwise.

After leaving the V & A, L. and I decamped to a Knightsbridge pub for a swift drink to restore our spirits. L. then left for home. The pub was showing Gloucester play Leinster at Lansdowne Road in the Heineken Cup so I stayed to watch a spirited but ultimately futile performance by Gloucester as they went down 37 - 30.

English Eyes Are Smiling

Connacht 18 Harlequins 19

Yeaaaahhhhh! Almost two months after the start of the rugby season, the Harlequins finally scored their first win tonight. As of the time of writing, the official site hasn't published its match report, but when it does (prob. within the next 24 hours), you will be able to read it here. Judging by the match thread at Come All Within (the best fan Quins fansite), Adrian Jarvis kicked the winning penalty right at the end of the game. That's sport: one week he misses and we lose, the next, he forgets that, kicks and gets the win. Hurrah!

On on the Quins!

The Inquisitive Cow on radiocarbon dating, the Pennines and humidity

dúnadan: Good afternoon from a bridge overlooking a river somewhere in stuffy central Dorset. The inquisitive cow and I are playing cow sticks, and much to Gerrie's annoyance, she won the last game and so has had set me a question. It is a difficult one: which has been the older find: a basket or piece of pottery. Cow, the humid weather is not affecting my brain, I actually have no idea as to the answer to this question. I shall have to take a guess: pottery.

inq. cow.: Why pottery?
dúnadan: Because that is what they always find during archaeology digs.
inq. cow.: Ah, that is because baskets - being made from perishable materials - are less likely to survive for long. Anyway, you are wrong. The oldest archeological discovery was a basket in Egypt which was 10,000 years old.
dúnadan: 10,000 years... that is a long time!
inq. cow.: It's age was determined by radiocarbon dating.
dúnadan: Radiocarbon dating?
inq. cow.: This is a method of dating an object by using a mass spectometer to count the number of carbon-14 atoms in the sample. I was doubtful of its usefulness until Augustine Squirrel and Jenny Wren built a mass spectometer in Farmer Bill's barn to demonstrate how much more precise it was than the traditional method of counting the radioactive decay of carbon 14 atoms.
dúnadan: You mean radioactive experiments are being carried out here on the farm??
inq. cow.: Don't worry, they are very careful. Farmer Gill has joined the study group and she is very fussy about safety. She makes everyone wear wellies in the barn. Except Jenny, obviously.
dúnadan: Of course. Now, from radioactive to radiation. There are many conspiracy theories about the Moon landings. One of which is that they could not have possibly taken place as it would have meant the astronauts would have had to pass through the Van Allen radiation belt that would have killed them. You have been looking into this, haven't you.
inq. cow.: Indeed. I received a post card from Bertie Pig this week asking me if the Vikings really did carry their boats across land during their sojourns. He thinks that they did and that his crew of rats and mice ought to be able to do the same, albeit he wants them to cross the Peninnes for some reason. As I pondered this question, I looked up into space and saw the moon and for a moment, I forgot about Bertie. As with other conspiracies about the moon landings, this one doesn't stand up to scrutiny. You see, the Apollo spacecraft moved through the radiation field in thirty minutes - their orbit was set so that they passed through it as quickly as possible. They were also protected from the worst of the radiation by the metallic hull of their spacecraft.
dúnadan: And what of Bertie Pig this week?
inq. cow.: The last sighting of him was on Wednesday when one of my inquisitive friends reported seeing him go up Cross Fell. I rather suspect Bertie had got lost.

Bertie was here

dúnadan: Cross Fell is the highest of the pennine peaks! I do hope he is alright.
inq. cow.: Don't worry, I wrote to General Hayden to ask him to keep an eye on Bertie.
dúnadan: Who is General Hayden?
inq. cow.: The Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.
dúnadan: The CIA! Gerrie, I think you may find he is a busy man these days.
inq. cow.: I am a busy cow, but I still have time to answer my correspondence. I am sure he will too.
dúnadan: Well, we shall see. As I mentioned at the start of this week's interview, the weather is very humid today. What is going on?
inq. cow.: There is less water vapour in the air.
dúnadan: An unpleasant by-product of hot weather?
dúnadan: That makes me tired just thinking about it!
inq. cow.: By the way, when you hear weather forecasters talk about humidity, they are referring to relative humidity. To obtain this figure, you need to divide the amount of water that the air can hold by the amount that it is holding. Of course, to find these figures, you need various instruments. Although Augustine Squirrel's mad uncle Euston-Barnabas Squirrel swears by his diviner.
dúnadan: Hmm! I think it is time for the newspapers. And this week, let's look at Sermitsiaq of Greenland. The first story will not, I suspect, please you. It is very short, so I'll read it out:
"Greenland is seeking to overturn a decision by the EU to ban seal pelts. The Home Rule government is dispatching an emissary to Brussels to tell the European Commission the truth about seal hunting in the Arctic. 'We lost the battle in the European parliament, but we can still take up the issue with the Commission and its influential directors general,' said the foreign and finance minister, Josef Motzfeldt (IA) to Sermitsiaq." I don't know what the IA in brackets means.
inq. cow.: I wonder why Greenland feels the need to tell the European Commission anything - it is not part of the EU, is it?
dúnadan: No, amazingly; just about every other country this side of the Urals is now.
inq. cow.: Well, we don't want to cause a diplomatic incident, so I shall only say that I am glad I am not a seal in Greenland if they want to go bashing them.
dúnadan: The next story is short and to the point: "Women's handball tournament: Lyngby women's handball club will make the trek from Denmark to Greenland next week to participate in six-team handball tournament featuring the island's best clubs."
inq. cow.: Team sports are an integral part of civilised society. That probably explains why we animals have not quite developed at the same rate of humans.
dúnadan: Have you noticed how some people like to emphasise the animal aspect of humans?
inq. cow.: You humans have a funny desire to put yourselves down.
dúnadan: That is probably true. Alright, the final story from Sermitsiaq is good news. The Arctic Umiaq Line has been saved. With admirable brevity, Sermitsiaq reports that, "the boards of directors of Royal Arctic Line and Air Greenland approved today a deal that will see the two companies form a new company, Arctic Umiaq Line A/S, which will purchase coastal ferry Sarfaq Ittuk."
inq. cow.: I am sure Bertie Pig would approve of this. Perhaps when he comes home he might get in touch with them to discuss future boat building operations.
dúnadan: That would put you out of a job!
inq. cow.: As long as there are things to be discovered, I will never be out of a job!
dúnadan: Yes, I agree. Well, cow, that is all we have time for today, so thank you for your time. Evening is drawing on now so let's hope the temperature falls and the air becomes moist again. See you next week!
inq. cow.: Indeed. Goodbye!

Read more interviews with the inquisitive cow here

Wah-Wah on DVD! Hurrah!

Earlier this summer I enthused about Richard E Grant's film, Wah-Wah. It came out on dvd this week so I am going to do the same again.

In brief, the film is a fictionalised account of Richard E Grant's upbringing following his parents' divorce in Swaziland at the end of Colonial rule in the late 60s. There are performances worthy of many awards from Gabriel Byrne who plays Grant's father, Harry Compton, with a sensitiveness that makes one realise that although alcoholics may become monsters they remain human. Miranda Richardson plays Mrs. Compton, a rather severe woman who betrays her wedding vows to run off with one of one of her husband's best friends. Her character is less charismatic, but living in a place and with people you don't really get on with must have been hard... The young Zac Fox and slighlty older Nicholas Hoult play Richard E Grant as a boy and teenager. They give wonderful performances. Julian Wadham (who played Madox in The English Patient - one of my most favourite films) stars, as does Julie Walters, Emily Watson (as Harry's second wife) and sundry other great actors.

The dvd is a let down in terms of extras. For example, there is no commentary. I would have VERY MUCH liked to have seen one. However, there is always The Wah-Wah Diaries to compensate for that. Also, the video does feature a lengthy documentary that affords a very pleasant look behind the scenes of the making of the film and features some great footage of rural Swaziland: a beautiful country!

Wah-Wah was made on a shoestring and opened in only a handful of cinemas here in London. But it is worth more than a hundred Hollywood blockbusters. Or depressing French films, for that matter. If you enjoy intelligent and intimate films without needless violence or crass sex scenes, watch Wah-Wah. You won't be disappointed.

Archeology Spot

Vatican reveals Roman burial site

They were digging the foundations of a new multi-storey car park under the Vatican.
But what the bulldozers uncovered was an ancient world of the dead - a Roman necropolis, or burial site, dating back to the time of Christ.

Since then the excavations have brought to light more than 200 tombs, arranged on multiple levels and in remarkable condition.

In addition to funerary inscriptions they have uncovered a wide assortment of statues, vases, terracotta urns, coins and skeletons.

The burial site paints a complex picture of life and death in ancient Rome and for the first time gives archaeologists a valuable insight into the life of lower- and middle-class Romans.

Full story at BBC On Line

A Best Of Meme

And speaking of Fr Nicholas's blog, he tagged me a week ago with a meme based on the best post from...

... my own blog. This is awkward as I don't think I have a best post. CK's is not a political blog, so I haven't exposed some major government indiscretion. It isn't a very personal blog so I haven't described many deep and powerful moments from my own life. It isn't really a religious blog (so much as it is a blog that is written by someone who is religious) so I haven't written about any great spiritual moments either. Cally's Kitchen is a whimsical blog that has occasional serious moments. The best posts for me, therefore, are those which I have most enjoyed writing. In that respect, I have too many best posts to mention here. If I had to narrow it down, however, I would go for the best posts being the inquisitive cow 'interviews' as not only have they been great fun to write (in that respect, Berrydict the Papal Cat must rate highly).

... another UK Catholic blog. This is impossible to answer as I don't have one. Can I compromise by saying instead that of late, I have enjoyed all the posts written by Fr. Nicholas, and am really enjoying reading the Hermenautic of Continuity as well. Though short, the posts there are very informative. (The Hermeneutic blogroll is also impressive. I will know that I have made it as a blogger when Fr Finigan lists Cally's Kitchen on it. What dreams are made of!). Also, I like very much the dry humour of the Recusant Cricket Club. And that is the kind of the title that I wish I had thought up. Of its recent posts, this one on the French Socialist Presidential candidates is very funny. It also features a photograph of Ségolène Royal which is a sure fire winner:

Madamoiselle Royal:
the very acceptable face of socialism

... a favourite UK Catholic website. Oooh, this is hard as I don't really have one. At a stretch, I could say that the Westminster Cathedral website is good. I must spend some time surfing UK Catholic websites to rectify this error.

Cool for another day

Here's a bit of nonsense stolen from the Roman Miscellany. I have just taken a nerd test. Here is my rating...

If any nerds are reading this, please know that you are with a friend. I don't, in fact, despise nerds! If this quiz related to Tolkien, C. S. Lewis or the Catholic Church I would probably score as an übernerd.

Christophobic? Advert Breaches Code

On 20th July this year I commented on this advert placed by the Gay Police Association:
BBC On Line has a (brief) report on the fact that the Advertising Standards Authority found the above advert to be in breach of advertising rules. Blogger Archbishop Cranmer (yes, he) gives a little more detail. He reports that the ASA found that,

• The GPA failed to provide evidence backing up the claims of an increase in attacks.
• Used images of spilt blood to give the impression that all the incidents involved violence. This was not true.
• Falsely implied Christians were responsible for the incidents it was highlighting. In fact, even the GPA admitted that around a quarter of allegations involved Muslims.

For the Archbishop's full post, click here. So, how should Christians should respond to the outcome of the ASA's decision? Here are my suggestions. Firstly, I think we should give thanks that an unnacceptable advertisement has not gone unnoticed and that some people took the time and trouble to bring it to the ASA's attention. Secondly, we need to pray for those behind the advert - for the forgiveness of their sins and their peace with God: For as sure as they sinned one day, we will sin the other and would we not want others praying for us if we fell into sin? Thirdly, on a more general level, we need to pray for homosexuals that they will quit this practise which is not of God. We need to pray that they will align their lives with the will of God. While we are at it, perhaps we might pray for heterosexual people that their sexual practises may also conform to His will. However else you see this matter, it is really not a time for crowing or gloating. We are all in this life together and we betray ourselves and the Lord if we do not love each other as He wished us to.

HNP Exercise Club: Double figures

We didn't mean to go to sea... that's what the swallows and amazons said. And I didn't mean to jog for ten minutes straight this morning, but due to bad time keeping, that is just what I did, and over the three sessions. And it felt good. A stitch which I thought would come didn't and I passed a man so much smaller than me that it made me feel quite tall indeed. How I love blogs for the ability to impart such great information!

Berrydict and Paisley Mouse

There was a guest at the Vatican. Animator Jose Luis Lopez-Moggia had made a cartoon of the life of Pope John Purr II and had come to show the film to members of the Roman Curia (who were, of course, well known for their childlikness) ahead of the film's release on dvd. Berrydict the papal cat watched the cassocked prelates as they trooped into the Vatican cinema. He sniffed. Not to smell the air but haughtily.
"I don't know what John Purr saw in films." he told his secretary, Monsignor Georg Catswein. "If they were made in Hollywood, theywere licentious. If from France, depressing. If from England, about gangsters. Always about gangsters."
"I grant that films are not as good fun as football," said Cardinal Furtone, Berrydict's secatery-of-state who had tagged along in between appointments. He was a big, big fan of calcio and had even commentated on games played by his beloved Juventus. "But some films can be very uplifting. I particularly admired The Constant Vet."
"Oh, I think John Le Catté is an excellent author," piped up Fr Catswein, who had a soft spot for thrillers. Berrydict was not impressed. "Thrillers are just an excuse for violence," he said. "And cartoons strip cats of their dignity." He turned away from the cinema. But what - or rather, who - should he see as he did so than Paisley Mouse! What on earth was he doing at the Catican? Well, he had been talking to Catolic politicians recently so perhaps they had invited him to Rome for a holiday. Berrydict didn't care much about this. He saw Paisley Mouse and he knew what he had to do. Off he raced! Paisley Mouse, who had once accused John Purr of being the anti-cat, squeeked in reply and shot off himself.

What did he squeek, you may ask, but you needn't bother because it was the same old nonsense that he had been squeeking for his whole lifetime. Indeed, it was the same nonsense that his party had been squeeking for the last four hundred years. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is because decent people long since started to ignore them.

Anyway, Berrydict chased Paisley Mouse down some marble stairs, through the Sistine Chapel, through the pizzeria below St. Peter's and twice around the gift shop on its roof! Along the way, Berrydict narrowly avoided being whacked on the head by alarmed tourists, caught by one of his owner's cardinals (he couldn't tell who as he did not see them above the waist) and electrocuted as he squeezed into a mouse hole underneath St. Peter's Chair and disturbed some loose wiring. Oh, yes, and he got soaked as they raced across the piazza, almost shot at by the carabinieri at the border between the Vatican City State and Via della Conciliazione, and dive bombed by angry pigeons who thought he wanted to steal their food!

Finally, he caught up with Paisley Mouse and pounced on him.
"Squeek!" cried Paisley Mouse, "Don't kill me!"
"Kill you?" Berrydict replied, "Reverend Mouse, I have heard that you are an excellent Mouser of Parliament in Northern Ireland. I have even heard that you represent Catolics well. I just wanted to say thank you."
"Thank you?"
"Just that."
"Squeek!"
"Now, run off but be sure to visit again some day!" Berrydict lifted his paw and Paisley Mouse scurried away. Berry was a little sad because he thought Paisley Mouse might stay awhile, but it was not to be. Still, he helped Catolics and was now speaking to their politicians so perhaps one day he would come again for a proper visit.

After watching Paisley Mouse depart, Berrydict returned to Fr Catswein and Cardinal Furtone. They were at the back of the cinema watching the film about John Purr. It was called John Purr II: A Friend to All Catkind. He had just been born and taken his first pur. Cardinal Catislaw Dziwisz, who had served as John Purr's secatery was already in tears.
"Hello! How did it go?" Fr Catswein asked. Berrydict explained. As he spoke, Monisgnor Catswein and Cardinal Furtone glanced at each other with a knowing smile. But neither were thinking of Tom and Jerry. Honest.

Index of Berrydict stories

Who is Berry(dict)?

The Chair Speaks

The Chair calls this meeting to order.

"Hello, I am the Chair of Cally's Kitchen. You may be wondering what on earth a chair has to say about anything. If so, you would be in the same position as hundreds of councillors and business committee members up and down the country. The truth is, this is the age of the chair! Hurrah!

So, without further ado, let's address those issues that the dúnadan refuses to address.

No. 1. 18 Doughty Street is a new blog. But it is more than just a blog as it is in fact, an internet based television station that has been set up by some politicos who are fed up with the BBC being no good and ITV being--- well, goodness only knows what ITV is about these days, but the gentlepersons of 18 Doughty Street believe that there is a market for political discsussion and if you visit their website you can watch it in action.

No. 2. The dúnadan actually engaged in a political discussion at work today. One of his colleagues asked him what he thought of General Sir Michael Dannatt's outspoken comments concerning the Labour Government's War (On Terror) policy. While expressing sympathy for the General's remarks, d. suggested that he (the General, not the dúnadan) should resign because the military has no place speaking out in public against the elected government of the day. What do you think?

No. 3. Did you see Labour MP Sion Simon's spoof video of David Cameron's Webcameron? It was unfunny and rather offensive. To compound matters, Mr Simon was then frightfully rude to a Sky TV interviewer here. As a result, not only did he come across as being unfunny, but boorish as well. Silly thing. The Chair hopes that when this matter calms down, Mr Simon realises that as an MP he should display a higher standard of behaviour than he showed in his video.

No. 4. There was a report in The Times yesterday which suggested that the Government wants faith schools to accept a minimum number of atheist pupils. Or pupils of atheists. Dur! Heaven preserve us from busybody ministers. If it wasn't for the fact that atheism is already a bankrupt intellectual system preserved only by ignorance and idiocy, the chair would outlaw it. As it is, he knows that people generally grow out of it.

No. 5. David Cameron has gone to Scotland to search for the Yeti, sorry, Conservative voters. Double dur! Do they exist? The Chair would love to hear from Scottish Conservative voters.

So, that's all for now. If you have any political points that you would like the Chair to address, then leave a comment, but until the next meeting, remember, the Chair has the casting vote! (No, it probably doesn't mean anything, but then political statements generally don't.)"

HNP Exercise Club: Would you imagine!

Pavement pounding this morning. When I got back to home, I stopped to stretch my leg muscles. As I did so, I looked behind me and saw what appeared to be steam rising from my back! Well, I suppose I was quite warm.

Apropros of Sunday's Exercise Club entry, after I had finished my run, I went back out with my mobile phone and took a photo of the street light that reminded me of a cardinal's coat of arms. As it was still dark, the photo was not as clear as it could have been.

You will remember that the cardinal coat of arms looks like this:

My photo came out like this:

Well, you can see the tassles, that is, the cobweb. But not too much else. Here is the streetlight from the front.

Hmm. Still not much. So, on the way home from work this afternoon, I took a diversion and two more photographs. From the back:

And from the front:

Well, still not perfect, so, you are going to have to imagine the tassles (cobweb) by night hanging down from the saturno (streetlight) on either side of the shield (sign).

Mass this evening II

There is a poster in my office for my employer's Faith Group and the poster has the strap line: Taking Equality Forward. Every time I see this, I wonder what it means. Equality in general? Equality with other religions? If the latter, the statement is a piece of nonsene. What religion is in the business of taking equality with other religions forward? Well, alright, there is the Church of England (evangelical wing aside). And liberal Catholicism. But be serious. Are Muslims interested in equality? Are Hindus? Catholics are not. Or should not be. "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life." said Our Lord.

This evening at Mass, the homily was said by a charming Italian priest on behalf of a missionary group. You would have been forgiven for missing this fact, however, as he gave us a potted lesson of how bad the Catholic Church pre-Vatican II was, what wonderful differences that Council made, and how we (i.e. different religions) are all equal before God because God made man and woman in His image. Finally, the priest mentioned that it would be a good thing if we all visited non Catholic churches, mosques and synagogues to see how they do things there.

Believe it or not, having visited a synagogue in the past I am ahead of the game here, and have no objection to Catholics doing as I have done. However, I object very strongly to this priest's implication that all religions are equal. This is not the belief of the (post Vatican II, by the way,) Church and he should not have suggested otherwise.

From the Catholic point-of-view, either Jesus is our Saviour or He is not. If He is not, then to paraphrase St Paul, we are the sorriest people indeed because our faith is worthless. In which case, it would most certainly not be the equal to any other religion. If He is - and He is - then all other religions are false. Yes, they may be helpful in our journey to God (as the priest suggested) because He in His condescension chooses to speak to us through them but they are still false and should not be thought otherwise.

I wish this priest all the best but hope not to see him or anyone with his beliefs in the pulpit again. In the meantime, I am off to douse myself with a dose of Dominus Iesus.

Into the West

Bristol 33 Harlequins 20

As I write the game is still on and the commentator has just congratulated Harlequins for keeping on trying against Bristol even though they are on the end of a beating. As a fan one can't wish for more - there is no disgrace in being beaten by the better team. Of course, it does not bode well if we still can't beat - even after trying - a team that was tipped to be a relegation candidate this year, but at least that isn't how it is with Bristol at the moment; they are flying high at the top end of the league at the moment. Indeed, as a result of this victory, they are back in first place again. Another nice comment from the commentator - the Quins have not once let their heads down. They have kept fighting. It is this spirit that convinces me that the elusive first win in the Premiership is not far away. Our next league game is on 4th November against Northampton. They are currently 9th in the league. Therefore, it is the kind of game which the Harlequins would have hoped to win preseason. Given our present status, one could say it is the kind of game which we now really must win. Before then, there are two cup games to play - away to Connacht of Ireland and home to French side Montpellier, both in the European Challenge (EC) Cup. I have no idea of the quality of these two sides, but it sure would be nice to get wins against them!

The game has just ended with Quins scoring after the captain was sin binned for dissent. Silliness and excellence rolled into one!

HNP Exercise Club: Inspired by...

... Adrian Stoop, on whom more in another post. This morning, I set out to jog at a 1/6 rate. Thanks to Mr. Stoop, however, I kept going... and going... and jogged 1/9. And guess what, bar a little soreness in my left shoulder, I felt fine at the end and could have run for even longer. In fact, at the end of the third segment, I did, picking up my pace too for an extra minute back to my doorstep. Most impressive! Not surprisingly, I feel v. proud of myself. Along the way, I had two nice experiences. Leaving the house, I saw a pigeon fly overhead. This reminds of the happy day ten years ago last Easter when I was received into the Catholic Church. I got up at dawn on that day and as I walked down the road, I saw a flock of birds pass overhead. The sole pigeon reminded me just of them. A minute later, as I walked up the road, I noticed a spider's web under the little roof of a street light. The flat shape of the street light and web reminded me of a cardinal's coat of arms which has the red hat (the saturno, I think) and tassles underneath it. Thus:

Oh, these Catholics, bringing religion into everything!

The Inquisitive Cow on Rotten Boroughs, Mbabane football and the RCMP

dúnadan: Good morning from a field somewhere in central Dorset! I am lying down with my chin upon the ground observing my friend the inquisitive cow as she grazes! Cow, you were right, your feeding motion is having absolutely no adverse effect on the position of the grass in the soil.
inq. cow.: Mmfmm Mffffmmm shhmmmmw!
dúnadan: Gerrie, don't speak with your mouth full!
inq. cow.: Mmf! I do apologise! What I meant to say was that the reason why the grass is unaffected at ground level is because cows do not eat it from its base. We eat from the base of the blade and upwards.
dúnadan: That stops you from eating soil, but I don't suppose you can help eating insects by accident.
inq. cow.: I suppose not. But luckily I have four compartments in my stomach to deal with that! When I was younger, I used to have no great regard for grass. It was there and we ate it. However, since Helen the Vet taught me about the structure of grass I have come to respect it much more. For instance, did you know that it employs a number of different methods to stop insects - or water, for that matter - getting into its sheath. They are all centred on a ligule. It can either be a membrane or a ring of very fine hairs. The hairs can be smooth or ragged. I have also heard that there is a species of grass called the Echinochloa that has no such protection, but I do not know if this is true.
dúnadan: Ligule sounds like a Latin--- goodness me, Gerrie, is that a wolf by the gates?! (sounding of the dúnadan scrambling to his feet)
inq. cow.: Actually, I do believe that it is a Siberian Husky. Well, we do not see so many of those in Dorset!
dúnadan: What on earth is it doing here?! Eek! It's coming towards us! Shoo! Shoo!
inq. cow.: Good morning, sir; dúnadan, there is no need to run towards that tree, I don't think he is going to attack us. He looks quite inquisitive, really...
sib. hus.: Woof! Woofwoof!
inq. cow.: Oh, really? I'm afraid I haven't seen any Far Too Eager Beavers recently.
dúnadan: He's going... he's going. Thank goodness.
inq. cow.: Will you come down from that haystack, now? He told me that he is searching for some beavers who set up an illegal dam in the North West Territories.
dúnadan: In Canada?
inq. cow.: Yes.
dúnadan: Well... he has come an awful long way...
inq. cow.: If what he said is true, I believe we will soon see why. Anyway, let us proceed with this interview.
dúnadan: Of course. It is a little known fact that oak trees can house up to 400 species of animal. Mainly insects of course, otherwise it would become very crowded. In order to keep order, elections to the tree council have to be held. Augustine Squirrel, in the middle of carving Petra into the base of the tree, has got into trouble this week over accusations of corruption.
inq. cow.: Yes. It is a sad fact that from time to time, trees get old and die. When this happens, their inhabitants go off to barks new. Moo. As a result, bigger tree dwellers, like birds and squirrels - especially rich ones like Augustine Squirrel - can start to exert pressure on those left behind to make them vote for their candidates in the election to the Wood Council.
dúnadan: So the tree becomes like a rotten borough.
inq. cow.: Indeed. Rotten boroughs have been around in Britain since the 1100s. They have been around even longer in the animal kingdom. What makes rotten boroughs so bad is that not only are individuals being threatened but their votes are being compramised with the end result that the validity of parliament is violated. There was a big scandal in the Parliament of Fowls - which Geoffrey Chaucer glossed over in his poem - in the 1400s over this problem.
dúnadan: Most unfortunate. So, what will happen to Augustine Squirrel?
inq. cow.: Well, since there is no police force in the Wood, and, in fact, no proper legal system, he will probably get away with it.
dúnadan: Ah. Very disagreeable. Let's move on to happier subjects. Firstly, I am delighted to report that thanks to the kindness of the sports desk of The Swazi Observer, I can tell you the outcome of the football match between the Mbabane Swallows and Mbabane Highlanders, which took place at the start of the month.
inq. cow.: Did you send Percival all the way to Swaziland to find out the result??
dúnadan: No, I e-mailed them. And let's face it, for a homing pigeon, Perc' has no sense of direction. How he ended up in Bangkok instead of Bognor, I'll never know. Anyway, the game was a goalless draw! Perhaps the Swallows and Highlanders were still rusty.
inq. cow.: I look forward to seeing how the season develops. We should talk more about Swaziland. Do they have cows, there?
dúnadan: Yes, I expect they do! Now, what do we have here? There is a gentleman wearing a red jacket on horseback at the gate.
inq. cow.: I do believe he is a mountie.
dúnadan: ???
mountie: Howdy! I'm on the trail of some too eager, sorry, Far Too Eager Beavers - and my pet Siberian Husky. Have you seen them?
dúnadan: eh?
mountie: That's my line.
inq. cow.: Your Husky passed by a few minutes ago. We have seen no beavers, far too eager or otherwise, I'm afraid. By the way, could you confirm something for me?
mountie: Why, I'd be delighted to!
inq. cow.: Not long ago, for reasons which are not important at this juncture, I had a debate with Horace the Impressionist Horse. He claims that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police was formed on 24th May 1874. I believe it was 23rd May. Who is right?
mountie: Ah, well that is an interesting question because on the one hand you are. On the other, you aren't. You see, while the date of 23rd May 1874 is correct, it was the North West Mounted Police that was formed on that day - by act of Parliament. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police was formed in February 1920 when the NWMP and Dominion Police of eastern Canada were formed.
inq. cow.: Interesting!
mountie: I have to say, sir, Miss Cow, this is an interesting neighbourhood. In the last five minutes I have seen a miniature disused shipyard down by the river, a wooden reindeer running wild, the remains of a stage in the Wood and a red squirrel passing a broad variety of nuts to a rather suspicious looking rabbit.
dúnadan: If we see any Far Too Eager Beavers, we will be sure to get in touch with the Canadian Consulate!
mountie: Thank you, kindly! Well, I must be off now. I have a reputation to protect. We mounties always get our men. And beavers.
dúnadan: This has been a most interesting interview, Gerrie, before we finish it off, the mountie reminded me of Bertie Pig. I understand that there has been news.
inq. cow.: Indeed. Two summers ago myself and some inquisitive friends set up a series of long wave transmitters on top of our farmer owners' homes so that we could talk to each other. I received a message from Freddie Fresian in Shrophire who says that at the end of a night drinking milk with his friends, he spotted a trireme on the Llangollen canal due east of Ellesmere. He reported that he saw a pig walking the plank.
dúnadan: Oh no!
inq. cow.: Don't worry - they were about to jump into the river to help Bertie when they saw him get out, summarily convict himself of crimes against pigdom and jump again!
dúnadan: Hmm. He really isn't very serious about escaping, is he?
inq. cow.: No, he just likes the thrill of it. He'll be back!
dúnadan: Alright, well, now that we have run out of time, I shall say that so will we. Gerrie Cow, thank you for your company today. I hope you have a splendid week.
inq. cow.: And you too. My time will be spent finishing Petra and developing a SatNav device. Our present radio wave device is very primitive and doesn't have planning permission.

Thanks to The Swazi Observer!
The Llangollen Canal in Shropshire
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police website

Read more interviews with the inquisitive cow here

A Very Special Up To Date Birthday!

To my sister Hevs, also known as Hefalump, Stick Blossom Gorilla, Yuri Gagarin, etc etc

Anne of Green Gables says "Happy Birthday to my greatest fan!"

Actually, I was joking about the Yuri Gagarin one but the others at various times were true!
Happy Birthday Hevs! I hope it is a good one!!

A Very Special Belated Birthday!

Happy 70th Birthday yesterday to the statue of Christ the Redeemer, overlooking Rio de Janiero. BBC On Line reports that the statue has now been made an official sanctuary so that religious ceremonies can now be held there. It would certainly beat the town hall or country house.

Full report here
The dúnadan did not take this photo during an impromptu balloon trip. It comes from the Christian Brothers University. Their website is here

SQPN

For the last year and a half I have been listening to the podcasts of Dutch priest, Father Roderick Vonhogen. He started out with an irregular series called The Catholic Insider but can now be heard (on a more or less regular basis) on The Morning Breakfast. The title is a slight misnomer as Fr Roderick himself recognises at the beginning of each show when he says "Good morning, good evening or goodnight!" but that is an aside.

If you visit Fr Roderick's website, you will find more than just past episodes of The Catholic Insider and present ones of the Breakfast. In fact, his website hosts no less than fourteen shows. This is because the umbrella website that Fr Roderick set up as the new shows were added 'SQPN.com' has now become an incorporated company. For more information, visit SQPN and listen to recent Daily Breakfast and Rosary Army podcasts.

Why has Fr Roderick done this? Well, he is a man with a vision, and that vision is to make SQPN (The Star Quest Production Network) a maker of quality Catholic products: podcasts, as now, but other media later: radio shows, television ones, even, I think, books.

How will it go? Well, no doubt the way will be hard, but nay sayers probably said that to the current champion of Catholic broadcasting, EWTN, when it was formed by a nun - Mother Angelica - 25 years ago, so what do they know.

It will certainly be interesting. There are some things I do not like about Fr Roderick and his work. I have a cordial dislike for his Americanisms (if I never heard him refer to dollars as 'bucks' again, I would be happy) and I don't like the replacement of the word podcast with production in the SQPN title, but as you can see, I am just being a snobbish Englishman and obstinate, so I hope Fr Roderick is successful in the whole SQPN enterprise. This world can't have enough of quality Catholic broadcasting and publishing.

I mentioned the Rosary Army above. It also has its own website (and indeed a life apart from the podcast) here

The Mission Song - John Le Carré

This week I read John Le Carré's latest novel The Mission Song. This is the story of a master linguist named Bruno Salvador who is hired by the mysterious Syndicate to translate at a conference of Congolese warlords ostensably to facilitate a peace agreement between them. The motives of the Syndicate, however, turn out to be somewhat more nefarious. Upon realising that the Syndicate is a malevolent body, Salvo determines to expose it. The latter half of the book tells of his adventures in this regard.

The first thing to say is that in reading The Mission Song, I was onto a loser. I enjoyed Le Carré's last book, The Constant Gardener, so much (on film first, then the novel itself) that nothing that he could write next (short of a Gardener prequel) could be as satisfying. And it's true, Mission Song isn't. At first, the book failed to settle down. It was a spy book (kind of) but it was also a comedy (kind of). But the two strands didn't really integrate, that is to say, I felt like I was reading two different versions of the same story. Thankfully, this didn't last, but only because Le Carré didn't persist with what I felt to be the more absurd comedy.

Later on, the extremely tight time frame of the book told against the story. Overnight, Salvo goes from being willing worker for the Syndicate to Man-With-A-Conscience. Well, it is possible for people to have a Road to Damascus experience, but if you are going to do it in fiction, I think it needs to be handled very delicately. Le Carré whizzed through the process much too quickly.

On the plus side, the story was extremely readable. I do not normally read books so quickly, but I completed Mission Song in days. The character of Bruno Salvador is a kind and quirky one - an excellent mediator between reader and book. That was just as well because with the exception of Hannah, his lover, who appears in only a short portion of the book (though she is referred to often), the other characters are but sketches of themselves.

If you have liked Le Carré's previous work, I do recommend The Mission Song to you. I have pointed out more flaws than good points in it but I did enjoy the book and whereas during my reading of it I did not think it offered enough for me to read again one day, by the end I had reversed that opinion. It is a warm hearted read by an author with a good command of his language and with sympathy for his characters and their situations. Read The Constant Gardener first but don't hesitate to buy The Mission Song second.

The Tridentine Mass

Biretta tip to Credo who highlights this story from The Times today:

Pope set to bring back Latin Mass that divided the Church
THE Pope is taking steps to revive the ancient tradition of the Latin Tridentine Mass in Catholic churches worldwide, according to sources in Rome.

Pope Benedict XVI is understood to have signed a universal indult — or permission — for priests to celebrate again the Mass used throughout the Church for nearly 1,500 years. The indult could be published in the next few weeks, sources told The Times.

Use of the Tridentine Mass, parts of which date from the time of St Gregory in the 6th century and which takes its name from the 16th-century Council of Trent, was restricted by most bishops after the reforms of the Second Vatican Council (1962-65).

This led to the introduction of the new Mass in the vernacular to make it more accessible to contemporary audiences. By bringing back Mass in Latin, Pope Benedict is signalling that his sympathies lie with conservatives in the Catholic Church.

Well, like Credo, I will believe it when I see it, but if The Times report is true it is glad news indeed. Why do I say that? I say that because the Tridentine Mass is a prayerful Mass. It is a Mass where the focus of everyone is on the Lord in the Eucharist and not the priest. It is the Mass of our brothers and sisters in the Church who came before us. Etc etc. Of course, the Tridentine Mass isn't perfect. But neither is the Novus Ordo. Let's pray for that indult to come and soon.

To read the full Times story, click here

An excessively diverting game

I doff my top hat to Paul Burgin for this quiz.

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You are Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. You're pretty arrogant, but that pride stems from the deep-seated knowledge that you are generally the most superior creature in any given room. The good news is that you are deeply loyal to your family, and you have a generous and charitable streak, even though most people don't notice because you are too busy practicing a large vocabulary of stern looks.
Take this quiz!

A satisfactory result when considering that I could have been Mr Collins! Actually, Colonel Brandon or Mr Knightly would have been a good results too.

A sale but no bargains

Harlequins 27 Sale 28

A great game of rugby yesterday and what a shame that Harlequins' kicker, Adrian Jarvis was having (as they say) a bad day at the office. Nine points and a win went begging yesterday due to his wayward foot. It should be said that Jarvis has played some wonderful games in the last year and so, despite the disappointment of this moment, one can still be appreciative of his contribution to the First XV since a year last September.

Arriving at the Stoop, my first port of call was to the East End bar where I betook myself to the Quinssa table. Quinssa is the Harlequins Supporters club and organises trips to away games and events at the Stoop itself (e.g. a Meet The Players event next tuesday).

After signing up to Quinssa, my next priority was, of course, a drink. Now, thanks to a helpful Quins fan, I can tell you that the sponsors of the Anglo-Welsh cup is an energy company:

Yes, thank you Mr. Fan. Go EDF! Unfortunately, you can't drink energy, so I resorted to the mobile pub run by the sponsors of the Premiership - Guinness. Oh, I should mention that before taking my drink, I paid the obligatory trip to the club shop where I picked up a copy of Rugby Times' Best Rugby Grounds book. Published in 2003, the book lists the Stoop at No. 11 (Worcester's ground came first). However, I have read that a more recent (?) survey has placed the Stoop number one. Retreating to the West Stand (AKA Lexus stand) I sipped the black stuff and watched the players do their warm ups. Here are a couple of Sale players doing their thing:

And here are the Harlequins players having a group hug. There was some huddling going on during the breaks in the game - it is good to see the players sticking by each other even when things aren't going well.

By the way, the blue seats in the photo above and the EDF flag picture further up belong to the South Stand which can be seen in my GoogleEarth Stoop photo. In the photo, the Barter Card advert has been caught by the satallite camera. It has only very recently been removed from the stand. We look forward to the stand itself being replaced by a bigger one just soon as Richmond Upon Thames Council sorts out the planning application.

What about the game? Well, Sale did leave out some of their best players (e.g. Jason Robinson) but you know how it is with the best teams - they have just strength and depth that if they rest one good player, another takes his place. The comic villain for the day was Frenchman Chabal. After one or two fouls he got plenty of boos - although only for a few minutes, not the whole game like happens at football games. Chabal is not someone I would want to boo too loudly. With thighs like tree trunks and as tall as a Sequia (almost), oh yes, and with a mad Rasputin style hairstyle and beard (kind of, he cut a v.imposing figure.

The game was very closely fought with neither team being more than a score or two away from the other. Unfortunately, there were a few injuries. Poor David Strettle, Harlequins' summer signing from Rotherham Titans, was stretched off after hurting his knee. He had only just come back following a similar injury. One or two Sale players were also sidelined by injury.

Two summers ago, Harlequins were relegated to National Division One when their then kicker, Staunton, missed a last minute penalty. Unfortunately, the same happened to Jarvis yesterday. He had not had a good game and had the sun in his face, so the miss was no surprise. However, it should be noted that when the team went down by six points following a Sale try with two minutes left, they did not give up (unlike the fans who started to leave their seats) but stuck at the game even to the end. If we can't win, that is the next best result.

At the end, in accordance with rugby tradition, Harlequins lined up to congratulate Sale on their performance. After passing the Quins' players, the Sale players then lined up to applaud the Harlequins' players on their performance.

Next week, Harlequins travel to the West Country to play Bristol. They are first in the premier league at the moment but suffered a big defeat in their EDF Cup game yesterday - 63 - 25 away to local rivals Bath. This will either mean that they will be fired up for some payback next week or will be shell shocked. Naturally, I am rather hoping for the latter!

On on the Quins!

The Inquisitive Cow on cow sticks, Petra and Black Holes

dúnadan: After our little autumn tour around Dorset, the inquisitive cow and me have come back to his field, somewhere in the middle of this fine county. In fact, we are standing on the rickety wooden bridge that connects this field (immediately behind Farmer Bill's Portland stone house) with his other fields. Ten feet beneath us, the dividing stream is gurgling merrily away. But we are not here to admire the view. In fact, we are playing cow sticks. Cow, tell the readers what this game is about.
inq. cow.: Hallo readers. The purpose of cow sticks is to throw your stick into the stream one side of the bridge and then wait to see if it comes out first on the other.
dúnadan: Just like pooh sticks, in fact.
inq. cow.: But pooh sticks would not be very interesting for an inquisitive cow like me. So, I have decided that the winner gets to ask the loser a question which he has to go away and find the answer to.
dúnadan: And look, there is my stick! Now, Gerrie, this is the tenth time I have won this morning. I can't help but feel that you are deliberately losing so that you have an excuse to go and pursue more knowledge.
inq. cow.: You are just being a sore winner, dúnadan; ask me a question!
dúnadan: Well, having asked you to prove the existence of black holes earlier, I think I shall ask an easier question this time: where on earth is Bertie the Pig? And I mean, where on earth, because his latest escape attempt last week went - unsurprisingly - somewhat awry.
inq. cow.: One can only sigh at Berty's actions! As you know, despite having no navigational skills, he decided to mount his escape on his trireme in the dark. Consequently, Berty got confused and we last saw him heading inland instead of out to sea. By my reckoning, he is probably lost on England's canal system somewhere north of Birmingham by now.
dúnadan: So if any reader sees a trireme being captained by a pig and manned by a mixture of rats and mice, they should contact you.
inq. cow.: Or Farmer Bill, as I don't own a telephone.
dúnadan: Of course. Let's throw in another stick... there they go. While we wait to see who wins, let me ask you about your week. What have you been up to?
inq. cow.: Well, inspired by my success at designing Berty's trireme, I have been engaged by the Conifer Squirrels to draw up a plan to recreate the ancient fotress of Petra in the woods.
dúnadan: Really?
inq. cow.: Indeed. You see, the patriarch of the Conifer Squirrels, Augustine Squirrel, has long been a keen researcher into the history of the middle east. Not long ago he entered the British Museum without paying to view their exhibits but was chased out by the security guards. The incident caused a great scandal within the Museum - they need all the money they can to remain financially viable - but was covered up to ensure that no one else could take advantage of their lax security before it was fleshed up.
dúnadan: Naturally! So, Augustine has fallen in love with Petra.
inq. cow.: Actually, it is more practical than that. You see, in the middle of the Wood is the biggest oak tree in Dorset. It takes me two minutes to walk round it. All the paths in the Wood come by it. Therefore, as Augustine says, he who controls the Great Oak controls the Wood.
dúnadan: He is empire building!
inq. cow.: But mainly to keep the grey squirrels out.
dúnadan: Yet, greys don't like conifer trees.
inq. cow.: Squirrels can be tempestuous creatures. I don't mind. Moo! My commission has given me the opportunity to do lots of research into the original Petra. It was the capital of a Semitic people called the Nabataeans. Scholars do not know when it was carved, but the latest evidence points to the first century BC. Petra, or Rekem as it may have been known to its inhabitants, was the centre of the Nabataean caravan trade. But it would not have survived unless the native population learnt to control the water flow that arose, not only out of the streams there, but from flash flooding. Sadly, the city declined in the second century AD, perhaps as a result of an invasion by the Sassanids.
dúnadan: I didn't know the English went there.
inq. cow.: Oh dear, you are so funny! Not sassanach, sassaNID. That was the second Persian empire. Oh, look, there is my stick!
dúnadan: Your first win!
inq. cow.: Therefore, my question. Who won the season opener between Mbanane Swallows and Mbanane Highlanders last week?
dúnadan: Ah. Good question. I thought the game was to be played last week. But a visit to The Swazi Observer tells me that it is the 8th October. Today, in fact; so I will let you know next week. If we have any readers in Swaziland, perhaps they would be so kind as to let me know!
inq. cow.: Very good.
dúnadan: Let's move on. Fareedeh el Akle is not a name that most people will recognise, except, of course, the inquisitive cow.
inq. cow.: That is because she was the teacher and friend of a famous Dorsetian, T. E. Lawrence.
dúnadan: He had a home just down the road from here.
inq. cow.: A little bolthole, yes, I have often grazed in sight of it - almost, as it is hidden by trees. But look, look who is coming! It is my good friend Horace---
dúnadan: --- the Suffolk Punch.
inq. cow.: Hallo Horace!
horace: Hmm... hallo, cow... you are looking very colourful today. No, don't move, I am admiring the texture of the light on your fur.
inq. cow.: Horace likes to paint. His heroes are the impressionists.
horace: Indeed... Monet is the man for my money... I say, Gerrie, you wouldn't mind staying there while I paint you through the phases of the day?
inq. cow.: I would love to, Horace, but as you can see, I am busy. We were just about to talk about T. E. Lawrence.
horace: Ah, yes... All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did.
inq. cow.: Horace has a good memory for quotations.
horace: Once upon a time I pulled the plough. Then Farmer Frogmorton had a day dream that his farm should be more profitable so he went and bought a tractor and I was rendered unemployed. That's when I decided to diversify.
dúnadan: Do your paintings sell, Horace?
horace: Sell? They probably do, but I paint and move on. I leave my canvasses for nature to deal with as she wills. Gentlefolk, if you are determined not to stand still, I shall move on. I daresay the Learned Owl will be quite motionless about now. He will make a good subject.
dúnadan: Goodbye! Well, cow, I think we have almost run out of time. Let us come back to what we were talking about before the beginning - black holes. If I fell into one, would I come out at the other end?
inq. cow.: Maybe. But you wouldn't know about it because you will have been squashed to death to the tidal forces of time and space as they rush towards the singularity at the centre of the black hole.
dúnadan: Oh. That is quite disappointing. Still, I might find a wormhole and through it another galaxy.
inq. cow.: That might be the case in a rotating black hole. And if that were the case, you might see the history of time flash before you on account of the infinite speed up of light. But as it speeds up it blueshifts to an equal amount - killing you very quickly with radiation. That blueshift would create a new singularity which would then kill you if the radiaton didn't.
dúnadan: So, really, what you are saying is that I am better off on earth.
inq. cow.: More specifically, you are better off in Dorset.
dúnadan: Good words. Well, cow, thank you again for your time. I hope you have a good week and we shall talk again soon.

read more inquisitive cow interviews here

The Stoop

Where on earth am I? Well, as I write, I am of course in Cally's Kitchen. However, this afternoon, I will be heading off to the above stadium. It is the Stoop, home of Harlequins Rugby Club, in Twickenham (South West London). Harlequins play Sale in the second match of the EDF Cup and as Sale are the currently champions of the Premier League I am hoping very much that they have an off day which will allow the Quins a much needed win.

The above photo comes from Google Earth, which is second only to Google Fight in its coolness! Actually, I am not so sure about that. When I typed in 'Harlequins Rugby club' and 'Sale Rugby club' and I am afraid to say that while the Quins mustered 544,000 results, Sale scored 5,950,000! Tch!

The Battle of Lepanto

Today is the 435th anniversary of the battle of Lepanto which was fought between the navies of the Holy League (a coalition of Spanish and Italian forces under the pope) and the Ottoman empire. The battle was a crushing victory for the Holy League. What may have happened if the Ottomans had won is a matter of conjecture but the Islamisation of Europe would not be an unlikely guess.

The Holy League prayed to the Blessed Virgin Mary that she might intercede with God for their victory. When it came, Pope Pius V gave thanks by instituting a new feast day - Our Lady of Victory which is now celebrated as Our Lady of the Rosary.

• G. K. Chesterton wrote a poem on the battle, you can read it at the Durham University website here
• Wikipedia has a good article on the battle here.

ave maria

Beta Blogger

So, when you transfer your blog from one version to another (i.e. from normal to Beta) I think you can be forgiven for thinking that the new version will be better. Unfortunately, Beta Blogger is not. The sidebar has lost the use of the accent, meaning that dúnadan and Brontëana come out looking funny. Hopefully this issue will be resolved and this post will be made obsolete. In the meantime, blogspot beta has alot to live up to to justify its existence.

update: Saturday morning and by simply reinserting ú and ë in the template I have managed to get rid of the anomalies that had corrupted the spelling of my nom-de-plum and Brontëana.

The Race to Dakar - Charley Boorman

Last week I was browsing in Borders bookshop when I spotted the above pictured book - The Race to Dakar by Charley Boorman. You cannot imagine my excitement! Last year, I saw an advert on the underground for The Long Way Round - the travelogue of Ewan McGregor (he of Star Wars etc) and Boorman as they rode eastwards around the world from London to New York. The book was wonderful! It was a fascinating read and inspirational: damnit, if they can get their act together to go on a three month round the world trip, then I can do [x]. I heartily recommend it or the DVD of the television series to everyone.

The Race to Dakar follows Boorman's attempt on the Dakar rally in January of this year. For him, the rally ended after five days when he crashed his bike and broke both hands. The book is intense, very intense: Boorman hasn't only his dream to think of, but the documentary he is making, the sponsors who have supported him, his critics, friends and family etc etc. There is a liberal amount of swearing but alot to inspire one all over again. This is because the Dakar rally sounds absolutely mad and yet they get on with it through thick, thicker and thin. It begins easily - in Lisbon, Portugal (in the past it has started in Paris, France) - but gets worse and worse in northern Africa as the riders hit the sand dunes. Such is the difficulty of the Dakar that in 25 years, 23 people have been killed taking part. This year was no different - a very experience Australian motorcyclist named Andy Caldecott died after his bike crashed. Requiescat in Pace.

Boorman undertook the race with two fellow riders. Only one of the them got to Dakar. I reckon Boorman will try it again one day. That is the magic of the Dakar. It sounds awful and in fact it is awful but we humans have an amazing desire to overcome the odds and I think it is that that draws the men and women of the Dakar rally back year after year.

I say men and women. You wouldn't have thought the Dakar rally would be any place for a woman, but Boorman recounts the adventures of one brave lady named Patsy Quick. And his fellow rider, Simon Pavey, mentions meeting a twenty year old unemployed Dutch girl not far from Dakar who decided that since she had time on her hands she would give the Dakar a shot!

Back to Boorman. After crashing out of the race, he stayed on despite his injuries to help his two fellow riders by manning the bivouac. Next year, it seems that he and Ewan McGregor will be going on another road trip - The Long Way Down from John O'Groats to South Africa. It will be interesting to see whether or not it can keep the expeditionary feel of The Long Way Round or if it will develop the unfortunate characteristics of a rather soulless franchise. Naturally, I hope it is the former.

On present controversies

Matt from Absolutely No Spin has left a comment in Cally's Kitchen concerning last night's edition of Panorama in which the Vatican was accused of covering up sex abuse by priests in a 1962 document called Crimen Sollicitationis. It also accused the then Cardinal Ratzinger being instrumental in the perpetuation of that cover up. Matt asked, "Hey Dunadan - are there any wails in your neck of the woods about the BBC report we're hearing about over here? Did you see the program?"

Well, as for wails, the Church has certainly responded to Panorama. On her behalf, Archbishop Vincent Nichols of Birmingham has issued a statement protesting that the programme was false and misleading.

Matt, to find out more visit a great blog which has a fine focus on current events as they relate to the Catholic Church. It is Joee Blogs blog.

For my part, no, I didn't watch Panorama. This is because when it comes to its treatment of the Catholic Church, I wouldn't trust the BBC as far as I could see it - without my glasses on. The BBC has form for biased reporting against the Church so if it wants me to take its programmes seriously, it has to earn my trust. The same goes for Channel 4 which has also broadcast similarly offensive programmes in the past.

***

This topic reminds me of the way I see Richard Dawkins these days. He is a man, no doubt of great intellect and probably a good friend, but he is also as blinded by his hatred of religion as the Fundamentalists are by their 'love' of it. Dawkins has a new book out, The God Delusion, in which, guess what, he has another pop at his pet hate. Who would have thought that he is actually the Professor for the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford University? The (so far, only) reviewer of the book on Amazon.co.uk says that,

Fans of Professor Dawkins will love "The God Delusion". His opponents (if any of them actually take the trouble to read the book) will, predictably, hate it, as it shows so very clearly why they're wrong - and nobody enjoys that, do they?

Well, I am an opponent of Dawkins and I am happy to say that I will not be taking the trouble to read this book. But not because (I think) it will prove me wrong in my religious beliefs but because all Dawkins ever does is moan, moan, moan and I don't trust any man who only talks about the same thing over and over again. It turns them into a one trick pony, and an ass. Unlike with the BBC, I wouldn't so much say that Dawkins has to earn my trust before I read one of his books, but that I will not trust him until he can mellow out a little and write a book or two on another subject. County cricket in the 1920s and 30s, perhaps.

No wails in Wales

Llanelli Scarlets 26 Harlequins 7

Another defeat and another player sin binned, but BBC On Line reports that 'Llanelli Scarlets were made to work hard before securing an EDF Energy Cup win over English strugglers Harlequins.' And concludes that the Scarlets won a bonus point (for scoring four tries) that 'their performance hardly deserved.' So not all is bad news.

In light of the above, my conclusion is that somewhere in the present Harlequins losing run team there is a winning team just waiting to burst out! The next game is No. 2 in the EDF Cup and is at home to current Premiership champions, Sale. I have yet to confirm it but I think my Season Ticket entitles me to attend it. If so, the next game report will have pictures. Let's hope it is of a victory!

Read the full BBC On Line report here

On on the Quins!

The Inquisitive Cow on Lulworth Cove, building a trireme and Archimedes' Screw

dúnadan: Ah, this is the life. Here we are on the south coast of Dorset, looking out over Lulworth Cove. Who would have thought it would be such a balmy day at the end of September, and yet, it is, and I am enjoying sunbathing. The inquisitive cow, however, has not been resting. Cow, you have been with the geology students.
inq. cow.: Indeed I have. We have been comparing notes on the strata of the cove. Being a cow, it is not easy for me to dig a trench, so I have been delighted to find that geologists have gone down by 600 metres - to the Jurassic period. That is 200 million years ago to around 146 million years. Before you ask, no they probably did not dig an actual trench.
dúnadan: Hehe. Am I that predictable? Actually, don't answer that.
inq. cow.: I knew you were going to say that, so I wasn't.
dúnadan: Hmm! Well, tell me, what have geologists found so far down? Australia?
inq. cow.: Moo! That is a terrible joke! As for your question, well, there are some interesting things to be found. For example, Kimmeridge Clay - named after the lovely little village of Kimmmeridge which is not far away from here - which just happens to be a major rock source for oil in the North Sea.
dúnadan: Does that mean that we could plant an oil well here?
inq. cow.: I don't think so. As I said, Kimmeridge Clay is a major rock source of oil. The clay underneath us is still clay. It has not come oil. That is my understanding, anyway.
dúnadan: Very good. What else is beneath us?
inq. cow.: Well, above the Kimmeridge Clay is Portland Sand. And above that, Portland Stone. These layers are only thirty metres in total, so quite thin compared to the clay. At this point, we enter the Cretaceous Period, which is much softer as it is dominated by different types of chalk. For example, Nodular and grey argillaceous chalk. To go back to the Portland stone, this has been used extensively in building in England. A famous example, is the cenotaph in London. I do not know if the memorial to animals of war at Hyde Park is made of the same. I can tell you, however, that Portland Stone was used in the building of the United Nations building in New York. Farmer Bill's house is made of Portland stone!

Lulworth Cove beach

dúnadan: This is all - no pun intended - deep stuff! But now, let us go back to the farm. This week, you aided and abetted Bertie Pig in his latest escape attempt. As I understand it, he found your copy of one of Heredotus' Histories and decided he wanted to build a trireme. Now, Gerrie, these were quite big boats.
inq. cow.: Indeed. Thirty five metres in length with a crew of 200. Our trireme, being made with wood bought from the Beaver clans, was a third of that size, meaning that we were able to reduce our crew size accordingly.
dúnadan: That would still require you to have a crew of 66.
inq. cow.: Yes. Fortunately, Bertie has lots of friends both in the wood and on the riverbank. You wouldn't believe that rats, mice and water voles would get on so well. Unfortunately, we had to turn away the minks. They are a bunch of rascals.
dúnadan: So, is the boat finished?
inq. cow.: Of course! I was, even if I say so myself, very efficient in my planning. I do my best thinking while being milked and I had Mummy Cow to help me.
dúnadan: We do not often talk about your family. Mothers are often the most efficient people in the household and it is no different in the animal world.
inq. cow: That is correct. After we had built the trireme and were testing it, Mummy Cow pointed out that we had not tarred it and that the longer it remained in the water, the wetter and heavier the wood would become and so more difficult to sail. With the help of the Mother Cow Institute, she arranged some stones on the river where we could leave the boat until Bertie makes his getaway. After that, she went to bake some cakes for the crew, which they appreciated greatly!
dúnadan: A very nice nibble! So, when will the big day be?
inq. cow.: It will be tomorrow night at 11pm sharp.
dúnadan: Eh... night? Are Bertie's sailing skills that great?
inq. cow.: Of course not, but he insists that it is the safest time to escape capture.
dúnadan: Hmm. Well, I'm sure you will let me know what happens next week! Moving on, but staying in the ancient world, let's test your engineering skills. Do you know how to provide a consistant transport of water from a lower to a higher point.
inq. cow.: Hmm... that is, of course, impossible, unless you use some kind of hydraulic system. But we are in the ancient world?
dúnadan: Yes. No modern technology allowed.
inq. cow.: So, we could fill a tub or a tube and then push it up manually with a stop attached to a pole. But that would be to provide a one off transport... hm... what if the stop was shaped differently? Perhaps it could be turned, allowing water to be constantly passed through the tube - it would have to be a tube as the water would simply fall out of the tub. Yes, I think I have it. The stop could be as long as the tube and of an undulating shape. This shape could be turned, thus allowing the water to be constantly passed upwards to the exit point!
dúnadan: My goodness, cow, you are clever! What you have described there is Archimedes' Screw! But I bet Archimedes didn't solve this problem as quickly as you.
inq. cow.: I'll be! Moo! And moo again! I have heard of Archimedes, but only his Cattle Problem. We must talk about that one day. It took twenty two centuries for it to be solved.
dúnadan: Very well. For now, as we see more and more tourists arriving on the beach below us, let's take a quick look at the news. Today, we have the Weekend Observer from Swaziland. The first story is very sad - it relates to the death of the deputy prime minister, Albert Shabangu. The prime minister, Themba Dlamini, broke down in tears after signing the book of condolences.
inq. cow.: One day we shall have to discuss the meaning of life. Being religiously primitive it is not clear to me. Nevertheless, I understand death very well. It casts a long, deep shadow over the animal kingdom. I hope the Mr Dlamini recovers.
dúnadan: Let us go to a happier story. The Observer reports that the Catholic Church is about to 'engage in a seven-day Holy Adoration of the Most Holy Sacrament, known as the ‘Siege of Jericho’.'. The purpose of this 'siege' is for the triumph of Good over Evil. It beats demonstrations and reacting violently to the injustices of the world.
inq. cow.: Most certainly. Actually, it makes me sad. As I have mentioned previously, cows are at a very primitive stage of religious development. As a result, we are still prone to the use of violence. It will be dead for a long, long time before animals learn to pray like in Swaziland instead of do other animals in.
dúnadan: Given your inquisitiveness, perhaps you will lead a revolution in religious thought for cows!
inq. cow.: Well, I must live up to being magnificient!
dúnadan: Ha! Finally, then, we look at football and the big derby: Mbabane Swallows play Mbabane Highlanders in the first game of the new football season on 1st October at 4pm.
inq. cow.: Regretfully, football is not that interesting to me. I prefer chess. Or chewing the cud. However, I hope it goes well!
dúnadan: Well, I like football - though not as much as rugby; I wonder if they play that in Swaziland? - so I shall look out for the result. In the meantime, Gerrie, it's time we brought this interview to an end. People are looking at us as if they have never seen a cow speaking before.
inq. cow.: They probably live in a city. I have heard that their knowledge of the countryside is very deficient there.
dúnadan: Indeed. So, have a good week. Good luck to Bertie and I will see you next week.
inq. cow.: Moo!

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The geology of Lulworth Cove (Southampton University)